


Kids in the dark

by Amyisnotnormal



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Depression, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2018-06-06 09:21:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 29,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6748114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amyisnotnormal/pseuds/Amyisnotnormal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gavin is put in a mental hospital after an attempted suicide where he meets Michael, his room-mate, and Ray, Ryan, Geoff and Jack. People fall in love and stuff :D </p><p>WARNING: some strong language, mentions of mental illnesses such as depression. mentions of abuse, death and attempted suicide</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I'm sat on the bed in the corner of the white room hugging my legs to my chest. Why do all of these places look like prison cells? They're meant to help people recover, should they not look more comfortable and homely? Welcoming instead of looking like a prison cell. I haven't met my roommate yet, so I don't know anything about him apart from his name, Michael. I don't know why he's here or how long he's been here. As for me, I got here an hour ago and I have depression and my name's Gavin. I'm not interesting so I wont bore you with the story of how my mum died when I was 7 and my dad is a drunk that has abused me, mentally, physically, emotionally and sexually since then. I think he blames me for her death, but that's okay because I do too. I fell into depression when I was 10 and started self-harming when I was 12 and have been ever since. I'm 16 now. I'm only in this hellhole because my friend Dan found me after I had attempted an overdose and called an ambulance. Unfortunately they got to me in time to save me and I lived.

I snap out of my thoughts to realize that I'm staring at the wall in front of me. I look over to the now open door and see a boy standing in the door frame. He's around my age, maybe a bit older, with ginger hair and brown eyes, a bit shorter than I am. He's wearing grey tracksuit bottoms and a black t-shirt with a 'my little pony' character on. I realise I've been staring at him for a while and my eyes snap up to his face to see that he's staring at me.

"Hey, I'm Michael" he grins at me, then walks over to his bed, sitting cross-legged and looking in my direction. He's looking at me expectantly

"Gavin" I mumble out. He smiles again, "so, why are you here?" I don't want to tell him; I've only just met him. I haven't even told my therapist yet. So I just direct my gaze to the floor and stare at it as all the memories of the past 9 years, starting with my mothers' death, run through my mind. My eyes start to water, then I hear Michael stand up and feel the mattress dip next to me. He's sitting really close and what should feel comforting and supportive feels like I'm suffocating, so I flinch away and immediately he shuffles over. "I'm sorry" he says quietly "you don't have to tell me, I understand." And before I can stop myself I'm asking him the same question "sorry, you don't have to answer that. I didn't answer when you asked so its not fair to expe-" Michael cuts me off with a "no, its okay, its your first day here, I've been here for 3 years. I have BPD. Borderline Personality Disorder. I got put in here after a pretty intense argument that tuned into a fight, which tuned into nearly beating a guy 6 years older than me to death." He states it so calmly it makes me think it's happened more than once.

"How old are you?" I ask out of curiosity, he doesn't look much older than me, so he must have been in here from a really young age. "17, how bout you?"

"16"


	2. Chapter 2

After about an hour of talking to Michael a nurse opens the door to our room to tell me that the bell is about to ring and that means I have to go to social hour. As if on cue the bell rings and Michael tells the nurse that he'll show me where to go.

We walk down a few corridors and into a large room, there are sofas on one half of the room, tables and chairs, a shelf covering one wall that's full of books, DVD's and games and a TV with beanbags and a sofa in front of it. The wall opposite me is covered in windows and a glass door that I can see leads to a pretty garden with flowers, trees and bushes. Michael starts walking towards a group of 4 people chatting animatedly and motions for me to follow him, so I do, slightly hesitant. He sits down next to a thin, Puerto Rican boy, around 16, with short dark brown hair and glasses. Opposite him is a tall 17-year-old boy with brown hair, who looks really quite scary. Next to him is a boy around 18 with dark hair and arms full of tattoos. Lastly next to him is a kind of chubby 18-year-old boy with light brown hair who seems quite friendly.

"Hey Michael, who's your friend?" The third boy asks, eyeing me suspiciously.

"Guys, this is Gavin" he turns to me "Gav, this is Ray, Ryan, Geoff and Jack." They all say hello and I say a small hi. They get back to the conversation they were having. I stayed quiet and just stared at my hands, which were folded in my lap. After around 10 minutes, Michael nudges me slightly with his shoulder and whispers "are you okay?" in my ear. I look up at him, still keeping my head turned down slightly, and reply with a small nod. "You sure? You're being really quiet." He whispers back, concern on his face. "Yeah," I whisper back and give him a small smile, and we both turn back to the group. I notice they were still talking, apart from Geoff, who was watching the interaction between Michael and me with a small smile on his face, but as soon as he sees me looking, he returns to the conversation. Michael told me that Jack and Geoff are room mates, so are Ray and Ryan. I listen to their conversation but don't make any attempt of joining in, no one cares what I have to say, so I just sit there and either look down or watch the interaction between the 5 boys, sometimes answering questions Michael asks me or chatting with Michael quietly, so no one else can hear what we're saying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you've enjoyed the first two chapters of this fic and I hope you enjoy the rest of it <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken so long guys, I'll try and be quicker with the next chapter <3

After social hour I ask Michael if he's going back to the room.

"Sorry Gav, I have to go to group therapy," he says apologetically, so I start walking to the room alone when I feel a hand grab my wrist. There's a sharp pain shooting up my arm, I freeze and look behind me, surprised when I see Geoff standing there, He's squeezing slightly and my eyes are wide. My eyes are watering and Geoff notices, releasing my arm immediately and apologizing. He looks at me worriedly.

"Sorry Gavin, I didn't mean to hurt you." He says with a comforting smile on his face, "I was just wondering, do you want to come back to my room and hang out, I'll be alone because Jack has therapy, and I wanted to get to know you. You didn't say much earlier, well you didn't say anything really, not to us, anyway. Sorry, I'm rambling aren't I?" He looks genuine, like he really wants to get to know me, and not just like this is some mean trick where he's going to take me into a room and beat me to death, not that I would mind, he would be doing me a favour really. "Sure" I mumble and follow him to what turns out to be his room, and not a room he's killing me in. Oh well. It turns out his room is in the same hall as mine and Michaels.

We walk in to his room and he sits on the floor in front of his bed, leaning against it. I do the same, making sure there is space between us.

"How are you?" he asks.

"I'm fine," I mumble quietly, looking at my knees, which I have tucked up to my chest.

"You're not fine, or you wouldn't be here. None of us are fine, and that's okay. Its okay not to be fine." I look at him and he gives me a kind smile, the one a big brother would give. Before I can stop it, there are tears falling from my eyes and Geoff pulls me into a hug, and something that I would normally flinch at actually feels comforting. I lean my forehead on his shoulder and cry into him whilst he hugs me and rubs my back.

After 10 minutes I've stopped crying and I'm just sat with my head on Geoff's shoulder, hiccuping every so often. Slowly, I sit back and whisper a small "Thank you."

"You're welcome bud" he replies with a small smile.

I look at him for a moment, studying his facial expressions, he looks so caring. The last person to look at me like that was Dan, and he's like a brother to me. I feel like I can trust him. He gives me another small smile and before I know what's happening, I'm telling him what happened. Everything. From the very beginning. And I don't know why, but I do know that I trust him how I trust Dan, like the caring father I never knew I needed until now. He just sits there looking at me as tears form in my eyes. By the time I've finished telling him everything I'm a sobbing mess. Geoff pulls me into another hug, tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry that happened to you Gav, you don't deserve that, it wasn't your fault and you shouldn't be blaming yourself." I don't answer him, instead just cry onto his shoulder until I fall asleep.

Geoff's POV

I listen in horror as Gavin tells me everything about what has happened in the past 9 years. I'm surprised Gav trusts me so much to tell me all of this, I don't even think he's told Michael this, and it's obvious that Michael is his best friend here, even if they've only known each other for a few hours. Michael has been feeling so down lately, then this boy comes along and suddenly he's back to his old self, if not happier, and it's all thanks to this broken boy. By the end of it Gavin's sobbing and I have tears in my eyes, so I pull him into a bear hug, "I'm so sorry that happened to you Gav, you don't deserve that, it wasn't your fault and you shouldn't be blaming yourself." After a while Gavin's sobbing turns into deep breaths and I look down to see him sleeping. 5 minutes later Jack walks into the room "Hey, what's going on?" he asks looking from me to Gavin, who is still wrapped up in my arms, head on my shoulder, face red and puffy with tear stains on his cheeks. Gav looks so peaceful now he's sleeping and I get the feeling he hasn't slept properly in years. "Shhhh" I whisper, looking down to Gavin then back to Jack, "It's a long story."

Its been 15 minutes. I know I have to wake him up soon because it's almost dinnertime, besides if Michael gets back to their room and Gavin isn't there he is going to freak the fuck out. However he's finally having a good sleep after who knows how long. I feel bad as I shake his arm slightly whispering, "Gav, you gotta get up buddy."

Gavin's POV

I wake up to Geoff shaking me awake.

"You gotta get up buddy" I hear Geoff whisper, so I open my eyes and sit up properly. I see Jack sitting on his bed reading a book.

"You should probably go back to your room soon Gav, Michael will have a fit if you're not there when you should be." Geoff said and I nodded standing up and leaving the room after saying a small "see ya" to Jack and a "thank you" to Geoff.

I walk down the hallway to my room and open the door, I see Michael lying on his bed with an arm across his eyes. I figure he's asleep so I make sure to keep the noise down. I shut the door to the room and it makes a loud clicking noise causing Michael to shoot up and look at me, looking relieved.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up"

"I wasn't asleep, I was wondering where you were."

"I went to Geoff's room and we hung out for a while," I explained.

"Are you okay, Gav? It looks like you've been crying" He asks, concerned.

"I'm fine Micool, just a little tired" Which technically isn't a lie.

"Have a nap Gavvy, I'll wake you up when it's time to eat, I promise." I walk over to my bed and lie down, smiling at the nickname he gave me. I face Michael so I could say a small "thank you Micool" before I shut my eyes and fall asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Geoff's POV

I listen in horror as Gavin tells me everything about what has happened in the past 9 years. I'm surprised Gav trusts me so much to tell me all of this, I don't even think he's told Michael this, and it's obvious that Michael is his best friend here, even if they've only known each other for a few hours. Michael has been feeling so down lately, then this boy comes along and suddenly he's back to his old self, if not happier, and it's all thanks to this broken boy. By the end of it Gavin's sobbing and I have tears in my eyes, so I pull him into a bear hug, "I'm so sorry that happened to you Gav, you don't deserve that, it wasn't your fault and you shouldn't be blaming yourself." After a while Gavin's sobbing turns into deep breaths and I look down to see him sleeping. 5 minutes later Jack walks into the room "Hey, what's going on?" he asks looking from me to Gavin, who is still wrapped up in my arms, head on my shoulder, face red and puffy with tear stains on his cheeks. Gav looks so peaceful now he's sleeping and I get the feeling he hasn't slept properly in years. "Shhhh" I whisper, looking down to Gavin then back to Jack, "It's a long story."

Its been 15 minutes. I know I have to wake him up soon because it's almost dinnertime, besides if Michael gets back to their room and Gavin isn't there he is going to freak the fuck out. However he's finally having a good sleep after who knows how long. I feel bad as I shake his arm slightly whispering, "Gav, you gotta get up buddy."

Gavin's POV

I wake up to Geoff shaking me awake.

"You gotta get up buddy" I hear Geoff whisper, so I open my eyes and sit up properly. I see Jack sitting on his bed reading a book.

"You should probably go back to your room soon Gav, Michael will have a fit if you're not there when you should be." Geoff said and I nodded standing up and leaving the room after saying a small "see ya" to Jack and a "thank you" to Geoff.

I walk down the hallway to my room and open the door, I see Michael lying on his bed with an arm across his eyes. I figure he's asleep so I make sure to keep the noise down. I shut the door to the room and it makes a loud clicking noise causing Michael to shoot up and look at me, looking relieved.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up"

"I wasn't asleep, I was wondering where you were."

"I went to Geoff's room and we hung out for a while," I explained.

"Are you okay, Gav? It looks like you've been crying" He asks, concerned.

"I'm fine Micool, just a little tired" Which technically isn't a lie.

"Have a nap Gavvy, I'll wake you up when it's time to eat, I promise." I walk over to my bed and lie down, smiling at the nickname he gave me. I face Michael so I could say a small "thank you Micool" before I shut my eyes and fall asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Michaels POV

I walk into the room expecting to see Gavin there, and freak out a little when he's not. I walk outside and look down the hallway to see if he's coming. When I don't see him I go and lie on my bed and put my arm across my eyes. 5 minutes later I hear the door click and shoot up, seeing Gavin standing there looking at me. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up" He says, looking guilty. God his accent is amazing! He's so adorable, bless him.

"I wasn't asleep, I was wondering where you were." I tell him honestly.

"I went to Geoff's room and we hung out for a while," he says. He looks really upset. His face is puffy and his eyes are red and he has tear streaks on his cheeks so I ask him if he's okay.

"I'm fine Micool, just a little tired" I know he's hiding something from me, but the way he says my name is so adorable in his British accent, besides he does look really tired, so I let it go. For now. "Have a nap Gavvy, I'll wake you up when it's time to eat, I promise." I watch him walk to his bed with a small, tired smile. He lies down facing me, says thank you before falling asleep. I watch him sleep for a while, which sounds creepy, but it's not, i swear. He looks so peaceful, at lest for a few minutes. Then suddenly his eyes start to scrunch and he looks really distressed. He starts to wiggle about in bed and I decide I should probably wake him up. I walk over to his bed and cautiously reach out. I grab his shoulder and shake him gently. "Gavvy? Gavvy are you okay boi?" I whisper gently. He eyes shoot open and he looks around with wide eyes. "You're okay boi," I reassure him. His eyes are teary and he looks at me for a few seconds before he grabs my top and stuffs his face in my chest, bursting into tears. Immediately I wrap my arms around him and start rubbing his back gently. I feel his arms wrap around my waist and he squeezes me to him tightly, like he's trying to bury his face inside of my chest. I stroke his hair with one hand whilst the other stays around him, squeezing him just as hard.

Gavin's POV

My eyes open and I look around the room with wide eyes; sure my dad would be here somewhere, going to finish what he had started. Then I hear Michaels voice say "You're okay boi," and I look at him. My eyes had started to water at some point and I stare at Michael for a few seconds before diving into his chest, gripping his top for dear life. I feel his arms wrap around my body and start rubbing my back and it feels like he's keeping out all of the bad things. Like he's a shield blocking my horrible dad and all my demons, stopping them from reaching me. I wrap my arms around his waist and squeeze him as tight as I can, trying to bury myself even further in his shield of protection, still crying, but not as much as I was. I feel Michael stoke my hair and squeeze me just as hard.

After a few minutes I stop crying and pull back a bit so I can see Michael's face, my arms still wrapped around him. I look at his shirt and frown "I ruined your top" I say in a whisper.

"It's fine, my boi, it's okay" He smiles at me. I look into his eyes and realize they're a really pretty colour. Wow wait okay what? Where did that come from? Oh well. "Thank you Micool" I say quietly, giving him a watery eyes smile.

"It's fine Gavvy, you know why? Coz you're my boi, Gavvy Wavvy." He says with a smile, ruffling my hair. "You're my boi, Mickey Wickey" I reply with a small chuckle. He gave a small chuckle, paused, then looked at me "what happened Boi?" those few simple words made me remember everything about the dream. My eyes went wide and I pulled my legs up to my chest, hugging them. "It's okay, I'm sorry Gavvy," he said sitting next to me and putting his arm around my shoulders, "It's okay my Boi, you don't have to talk about it." I put my head on his shoulder and whispered a "thank you."


	6. Chapter 6

A bell went off and Michael got off the bed "come on Gavvy, we have to go eat" he said holding his hand out to help me up. I took it and he pulled me off the bed gently. 

"I'm not hungry Micool." I said as we left the room.

"You have to eat boi, or they'll force you to eat anyway." I groaned, "It's pizza day," he added.

I smiled slightly and nodded, "fine. only because I like pizza." He laughed and we walked to the canteen. We both got a few slices of pizza and walked over to a table in the corner where Ray, Jack and Ryan were sitting. Michael sat opposite Ray and I sat opposite Jack. We started eating and they all got involved in a deep conversation about how "My little pony sucks dick and you know it, Michael."

"No it doesn't Ryan shut the fuck up before I make you!" whilst Ray and Jack laugh at the two and chip in occasionally with their opinion. After 5 minutes Geoff comes over and sits next to me. "Hey bud, you okay?" he asks me under his breath after saying hi to the others. I look up at him from my plate of untouched food and give him a fake smile. He sees straight through it. He wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me into a side hug.

Geoff's POV

I walk over to the table and see Gavin looking at his plate, not touching his food. I say hi to everyone and sit next to Gav. "Hey bud, you okay?" I ask him, concerned. I'm really worried about him, he's like my little brother. He smiles but it's so obviously fake that my heart hurts. I wrap an arm around him and pull him into my side. He leans his head on my shoulder and I rest mine on top of his. "It's okay bud, you wanna talk about it later?" He shakes his head slightly and I whisper "okay, you don't have to, I won't make you." I see Michael give us a curious glance before looking back at the other three, who are still talking. I squeeze Gavins shoulder lightly and he sits up again.

Gavins POV

I sit up and Geoff joins in the conversation. After a few minutes I see Michael glance at my plate. He looks at me and frowns slightly, nodding towards my plate. I shake my head and he sighs and leans towards me slightly, "Gavvy you need to eat something boi," he says quietly, so the others don't hear.

"I'm not hungry Micool" I replied.

He looks at me, pleading with his eyes, "Please boi, you said you like pizza."

I look at him for a second before giving in, "Fine" I whisper before looking at the slice of pizza on the plate and, reluctantly, taking a bite. I see Michael give me a small smile before going back to the conversation. I notice Geoff looking in our direction, watching the interaction between us and giving me a smile before going back to the others too.

I ended up eating both slices of pizza, to Michaels joy, and not contributing at all to the conversation apart from when Geoff and Michael spoke to me.

After a few minutes I turned to Michael and told him I was tired and that I was going to bed.

"Okay, do you remember how to get back or do you want me to come with?" He asked.

"No, it's okay, I remember the way, see you later." I got up and started to walk out when I heard Geoff call me.

I turned around to see him walking towards me, "you okay, Gav?" he asked.

"I'm tired, It's been a long day, I guess."

"Yeah I get it, first day in a completely new place with people you've never met before, but don't worry, you'll be fine, and if you're not, well that's what we're here for." He says giving me a smile. I give him a genuine smile and he wraps an arm around me and pulls me into a hug. I hug him back and pull away. "I'm gonna go to bed, thank you, Geoff." I start walking away and turn back to see Geoff walking back to the others, who all look very confused.

I get to our room, take off my trousers and crawl into bed in my boxers. It's quite a comfy bed and the duvet and pillows are thick and soft which I'm thankful for. I fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.


	7. Chapter 7

Michael's POV

I watch the interaction between Geoff and Gavin with curiosity. Seeing Gavin so close to Geoff makes me feel weird and I'm not sure why. Gavin smiles at him and Geoff pulls him into a hug. Gavin walks away and Geoff starts walking back to the table.

"What was that about?" I ask.

"Nothin" he replies sitting down. I look at him sceptically but nodded.

"Hey guys, I'm gonna go to bed, I'll see you tomorrow." I say after a few minutes.

"I'll come with you, I'm kind of tired," Geoff said, and we started walking to our rooms. As we're walking, loads of questions are swimming around in my head. What was going on with Gavin and Geoff? Why was Gavin crying earlier? Was it Geoff that made him cry? But then why was Gavin hugging him and smiling? Are they a thing? I don't know why but that last question was bugging the shit out of me.

"What was that thing with Gavin about earlier?" I ask him, a mixture of confusion, jealousy and shyness in my voice.

"It was honestly nothing Michael, don't worry. You're Gavins favourite, I can tell." He smiles at me.

"But then how come he talks to you more than he talks to me? He seems more comfortable with you." I say sadly. Geoff stops walking outside his door and turns to face me.

"Michael, Gavin talks to me because he sees me as a big brother, he sees you as something so much more than that. I don't know how to explain it. You were going down hill, no offence. You were getting really bad, then this British boy shows up and suddenly your'e back to your dumb self. I haven't known Gavin that long, none of us have, but its like your'e the other half to each other. You just gotta calm down. You've been here for years, he's been here for a few hours." He pats my shoulder and walks into his room. I walk into my room and see Gavin in his bed. He's lying on his back and has a layer of sweat on his face and chest, but he looks quite peaceful. I take off my trousers and top and get into bed.

Gavins POV

I wake up shaking and covered in sweat. I look around the room, terrified that my dream was real, and see Michael sleeping. He looks so adorable with his curly red hair and his freckles. I don't want to wake him up but I really wan't a hug, so I walk over to the side of his bed and shake him awake gently "Micool? Micool, wake up, please" I whisper desperately, tears welling in my eyes. He wakes up and looks at me, eyes filled with concern "What's wrong boi? are you okay, what happened?" he asks sitting up in bed, grabbing my hand and pulling my gently so I'm sitting next to him. "I... I ha-" I start crying and grab him in a hug, wrapping my arms around his waist and pressing my head in his chest.

"What ya doin boi?" He asks jokingly, wrapping his arms around me so I know he doesn't mind.

"Hiding" I reply, pressing my ear to where his heart is, listening to his heartbeat, trying to slow my breathing to match his.

"Do you wanna sleep in my bed with me?" He asks, and I nod, embarrassed. He moves over slightly and pulls back his duvet. I crawl into his bed and he wraps the duvet around my body hugging me to his chest. I suddenly realise we're both in our boxers but I think we're both far too tired to give a fuck.

I wake up to Michael shaking me slightly "Hey, boi, it's time for breakfast." I get up, saying a small thank you, and pull on a t-shirt. I chose my slow mo guys shirt, I miss Dan so much. Just as I pull the shirt on there is a knock at the door and it opens, revealing Geoff and Jack, "Hey ass holes, you coming to breakfast or what?" Geoff asks, giving me a smile.

"Yeah hang on, let us get dressed first dick head." Michael replies. Geoff and Jack close the door and wait outside. Michael and I turn our backs to each other to give each other privacy.


	8. Chapter 8

After breakfast we all go and sit in the rec room, Ryan, Geoff, Jack and Ray playing COD, me and Michael watching them play. After a while a nurse walks over to me and asks if she could talk to me for a second. "Er, sure" I reply apprehensively. We walk away a bit and she tells me I have a visitor, if I want to come see them.

"Can I bring someone with me?" I ask. "Sure sweetie." I turn to look at Michael and see him watching me, I motion for him to come over and he does. "Can you come with me?" I ask nervously.

"Come where boi?" he asks, confused.

"Someone's here to visit me and I don't know who and I just-"

"Yeah boi, I'll come with you," he cuts me off, smiling. We walk out of the rec room and to reception. I can see the back of someones head while they talk to the guy at reception and the second they laugh I realise who it is.

"B!" I call in shock. He turns around and smiles at me and I run at him and grab him in a massive hug wrapping my legs round his waist, like I did when we were younger. "Hey B!" I say again.

"Hey B, you all right?" Dan asks.

"I'm okay, how are you?" I say unwrapping my legs but keeping my arms tight around his neck.

"I'm great, I missed you so much!" His arms tighten around my waist and I smile. I missed him so much.

"I missed you too, even though I saw you yesterday morning!" I suddenly realised Michael is behind me so I turn around and drag Dan over to where Michael is standing, "B, this is Micool, my room mate, Micool this is my B, Dan" I smile.

Michael's POV

We walk to the reception area and I see a guy around our age standing talking to Burnie at reception, as soon as we hear his voice Gavin gets a grin on his face and he shouts slightly, "B!" Gavin looks so adorable and cute with that dumb little grin, but I'm annoyed I didn't cause it. I stand there awkwardly as the two get caught up, but then I hear they only saw each other yesterday and my heart starts to hurt. I assume they are dating. Gavin turns to me and drags the guy with him. Gavin stands there with his arm around his waist and the guys arm around his shoulders

"B, this is Micool, my room mate, Micool this is my B Dan"

"Hey." I say quietly. I'm just a room mate to him? I thought I was a friend at least? And what the fuck is a 'B'?

"Hey." He says to me, then he turns back to Gavin and they start having a conversation.

I feel really awkward so I say "I'm gonna go back to the rec room, I'll see you later boi."

He looks back at me and says "all right boi, I'll see you later." I nod and turn around, walking quickly back to the rec room. When I get there I see the guys sitting around talking. I don't feel like talking to anyone at the moment so I go and sit in between two bookshelves on a small couch. I grab a random book from the shelf, which turns out to be lord of the rings. I start reading, and a few minutes later I feel someone sit next to me.

"Hey, Michael, what's wrong?" Geoff asks.

"I don't know. I went with Gav because he had a visitor and he wanted me to go with him. The guy visiting him, Dan or something, Is super close to Gav and it sucks because I don't want to sound like a selfish prick but I hate how someone is closer to Gavin than I am."

"Michael, listen, you don't know anything about Gavin, you don't know what he's been through, so you don't know what Dan has helped him through. You also don't how long they've known each other. Don't worry about it, you're already a lot closer to Gavin in less than 24 hours than you were to us in 24 days." He gives me a smile and I decide to go to my room and listen to some music.

I've been lying on my bed with my eyes shut listening to music for about 30 minutes. I feel someone shake my shoulder gently and I open my eyes to see Gavin standing there with a grin on his face.

"Guess what!" he says, clearly excited about something, I realise Dan is gone which cheers me up slightly. I take off my headphones, sit up cross legged, smile at him and pat the bed opposite me "what's up boi?" He sits down and is practically vibrating with excitement.

"My friend Dan said he was talking to the guy at reception and he's allowed to bring my phantom camera to me and I can keep it here so I can record videos!"

He's still grinning so I smile at him "Really?"

"Yeah, as long as I leave it with a nurse called Barbara and she's there when I use it. I met her earlier, she's nice." He says grinning.

"Yeah she's great, she's the same age as me, she's training. What type of videos do you record?" I ask curiously. He starts going on a small rant about how he films loads of slow motion videos and how he loves seeing things you wouldn't see in normal speed. He looks so passionate and he has this adorable smile on his face and I get the feeling he's never been this happy. I realise he's stopped talking and is looking at me, "that sounds amazing Gav, you need to let me watch some of the videos you've made." His smile grew and he started talking again "well I film with Dan and the camera I use is the best for slow motion but it's really expensive so I basically guard it with my life."

Gavins POV

I start ranting about how amazing slow mo is and I realise Michael is staring at me with a grin, It occurs to me that he's probably not listening, he probably doesn't give a shit. I stop talking and just stare at him. He looks really cute with his dumb little grin.

"That sounds amazing Gav, you need to let me watch some of the videos you've made." I grinned and started talking again, "well I film with Dan and the camera I use is the best for slow motion but it's really expensive so I basically guard it with my life." I stop myself from telling him how I got the camera, like I said it's super expensive and before my mum died she left me a lot of money that she had been saving for basically her entire life. Before I knew it I was thinking about my mum again and my smile dropped. I could feel tears forming. I didn't want to bother Michael with my stupid problems so I go to sit on my bed. I start to get up when Michael grabs my hand and looks at me, "What's wrong Gavver?" I sign and sit down again. "Nothing Micool, I'm fine." He's about to reply when there is a knock at the door.

The door opens and I see Barbara standing in the doorway, she has long blond hair and a pretty face. I was talking to her earlier and she's really funny and nice, so easy to get along with. "Hey Gav, I've got something for you," she has a small smile on her face as she goes back into the hall and returns with my camera and my laptop in her hands.

"Oh my god!" I feel a huge grin spread on my face. Barbara puts the camera and laptop on my bed gently and I grab her in a hug giving her a thank you. She hugs me back and smiles, "You're welcome. Dan said you would need your laptop to edit the videos you make, I'm supposed to be with you when you use it, like the camera, but I figure as long as you're not doing anything illegal, and no one finds out, it should be fine, okay?" I nod "Yeah that's cool, thanks Barb."

Michael's POV

Barbara walks through the door with a laptop and a weird looking camera and Gavins face lights up. He gets the biggest grin on his face and he looks so adorable as he hugs Barbara.

"Can I film a video now? It won't take too long, promise." He asks her.

"You've only got a few minutes until dinner, but I promise you can film one after dinner"

"okay." Barbara leaves and Gav turns to me shyly, "You wanna film a video with me?" He sounds so shy and cute. I smile "of course Gavvers."

The bell goes for dinner and I have never seen Gavin so excited. He grabs my hand and pulls me out the door with me laughing behind him, allowing him to pull me along. When we leave our room we run into Geoff and I see him look from Gavins smiling face to our connected hands to my laughing self and smirks, "Hey guys." Gavin stops pulling me along and walks next to me saying a small hi to Geoff. He's still smiling though and is practically vibrating with excitement again. I just laugh at him, let go of his hand and put it round his shoulders whispering a small "Gav you need to calm down boi," with a smile on my face.

Gavins POV

I see Geoff smirk at us when he sees our linked hands. "Hey guys." He says and I stop pulling Michael along and start walking the same speed as him and Geoff. "Hi." Michael lets go of my hand and puts his arm around my shoulders whispering "Gav you need to calm down boi," with a smile. I smile and he giggles at me and god he's so adorable when he giggles.

We get food and go and sit down at a table, me in the middle of Geoff and Michael, the others aren't here yet which I'm thankful for. It's not that I don't like them, they're great, I just feel awkward around new people. We've been eating for a few minutes when Michael goes to the toilet, as soon as he gets up Geoff turns to me.

"So what do you think of Michael?" He asks. The question caught me off guard but I still blushed slightly. "Um, he's... great." I reply shyly.

"Come on," He says nudging my shoulder, "I see the way you look at him with your dopey grin and your adorable little smile that I bet you've never given anyone before, except maybe Dan."

"How'd you know about Dan?" I ask him, confused.

"Well, um-" He stutters. "Okay but you can't tell him I told you! Michael got annoyed that someone is closer to you than he is. He really likes you, Gavin." I could feel myself blush so I looked to the ground. I feel Geoff wrap an arm around my shoulders and lean towards me. "Awwww Gavvy do you like Micool too? My boy's growing up." He mocks the way I say Michael but I know he's joking. "Shut up," I mumble, hiding my bright red face in my hands. "Don't worry buddy, I won't say a word." He promises, and I manage to mumble a thank you just as Michael comes back in to the room and Geoff gives me a smirk before removing his arm from my shoulders.


	9. Chapter 9

Michaels POV

I walk back into the canteen and see Geoff's arm around Gavin, pulling him close in a hug. Geoff's saying something, smirking, and Gavin is bright red and smiling. Geoff removes his arm from around Gavin just as I reach the table. "Hey Geoff," I then turn to Gav "you all right boi?" to which he nods.

The other three arrive and Gavin is still red from whatever Geoff was saying. "You all right there Vav?" Ray asks, accidentally saying his name wrong, and Gav lets out a small laugh. "That sounds like a super hero name." We're all shocked because this is the first time he's spoken to them, not counting the small 'hi' he says when he sees them. Ray smiles and says "Yeah, it does" and then Gavin's starting a conversation like they've known each other for ages. "Do people ever call you X-ray?" he asks curiously. Ray lets out a small laugh and says "no, under no context has anybody called me X-ray. Why would they call me X-ray? because Ray is my name?" Gav smiles immediately announcing "Neeeew nickname" and both him and Ray laugh together and Ray says "lets see if that sticks." (Be proud that is exactly what happened in the video XD Halo 4 - Terminus Achievement Guide around 1:11 in case you're wondering <3)

After a few minutes Barb walks over and asks Gav if she can talk to him. When he gets up smiling, the guys turn to me "what's that about?" Ray asks and before I can answer we hear Gavin, who is stood a few feet away, say "a giant water balloon" with a grin. The guys give me a confused look "Gav likes filming things in slow motion and his friend Dan brought him his camera so Barb said after dinner he can film something." I say before Gavin returns to the table.

"You all right boi?" I ask him, he nods and finishes his dinner.

I'm standing in the garden with Gavin, Geoff, Jack and Barbara whilst Gavin sets up his camera. He turns to me "hey you wanna help?" I nod and he tells me that he needs me to push the red button when he tells me to, I nod again "okay boi". The giant red water balloon, that we just filmed being filled, is lying on the floor and Gav jumps onto in. It doesn't pop and he tries to pop it again and again, after a few minutes he gives up.

"This isn't working," he turns to Geoff and Jack "can one of you jump on it with me?"

"Sorry bud, but I really don't want to get wet." Geoff says and Jack nods "Sorry Gav but same." Gav turns to me, I already know that I'm going to end up doing it "no." I say firmly and he pleads with his eyes, muttering a small "please Micoo?" URGH damn his adorable face "fine, but someone has to press the button," and Geoff says he will. I stand next to Gav "ready boi?" he asks,

"Yeah boi." We jump on the balloon and as soon as it pops Gav tells Geoff to push the button. we're both dripping wet as we walk to the camera, Barb and Jack laughing at us. Gavin pushes some buttons and looks at a screen before holding it out to us "look." I watch the video and it amazes me how much detail you can see. My eyes are glued to the screen and I look at Gavin's face in the video, God he's so cute! Whoa, wait what?

Gavin's POV

I watch as Michael watches the video and see his eyes widen in amazement and he gets this stupid grin on his face and his wet hair causes drops of water to run down his face and URGH he's so adorable! I'm brought out of my daze by Geoff, now standing next to me, whispering "You do realise you're staring right?" I look at him and see he's smiling.

"No I'm not!" I reply and he wraps an arm around me, still smiling. "You totally are, but he's staring at you too so I guess you're even." I look at Michael to see he's still looking at the screen and turn back to Geoff confused.

"He is absolutely not watching the balloon pop, which was awesome by the way, he's watching you." Just then the others turn to us.

"That looks so cool Gavin!" Jack says and Barbara agrees

"It was awesome, boi!" Michael adds. I thank them and start to pick up my camera, but Barb beats me to it, "you're soaking wet Gav, you don't wanna break it." I agree and Me, Barb and Michael walk back to our room, saying bye to Geoff and Jack. When we get back to the room Barbara puts the camera on the desk in the corner and leaves.

"Do you want the first shower?" I ask Michael. He smiles and says "no, you have it, I can wait." I thank him and walk into our bathroom. I strip and climb in the shower, letting the water run over my body. I wash my hair quickly and just stand there looking at the bruises, cuts and scars, some from my dad, others from me. I start picking and scratching at a few cuts on my stomach and watch as the water turns red as it runs over the cut. I look at my wrists and the scars and stitches along them, since the overdose didn't work right away I tried slashing my wrists, which also didn't work due to Dan finding me.

I start thinking about Dan and how much I miss him. Thinking of him makes me think of home, not that I had a home, my idea of home died with my mum. She was my home, her smile, her laugh, her hugs, everything, she was there to protect me. She meant the world to me. Now she's gone and I can barely remember her voice, but even now, after 9 years, when I'm at my lowest, I can still hear her laugh and see her smile and feel her hugs. The night I attempted suicide I could feel her hugging me so tight and I knew that it was all going to be okay, my mum was there, she would take care of me, I would see her again and we could be together and I could feel her hugs for real and not just with my imagination.

I hadn't realised how loud I had been crying until I heard Michaels voice outside the door "Gavvers? You all right boi? you've been in there a long time, it's starting to worry me." I turn off the water, wrap a towel around my waist and open the door. I see Michael standing there and I don't try to stop the tears falling from my eyes or the fact that my stomach is still bleeding slightly. "come here, boi," Michael pulls me into a tight hug and it makes me feel so safe, just how my mums hugs would make me feel when I thought there was a monster under the bed, only now, he's saving me from the ones in my mind.


	10. Chapter 10

Michaels POV

 

It's been at least 20 minutes since Gavin got in the shower when I hear him sobbing loudly. I go over to the door and knock "Gavvers? You alright boi? you've been in there a long time, it's starting to worry me." I hear the shower turn off and the door unlock. Gavin's standing with a towel around his waist, drops of water dripping from the tips of his hair off his shoulders and down his chest, I notice that even with the cuts and scars and bruises he still manages to look beautiful. I realise he has tears streaming down his face and his stomach is bleeding slightly. I feel my heart break. "Come here, boi," I say pulling him into the tightest hug I can without hurting him, my arms engulfing his thin frame. He wraps his arms around my waist and buries his face in my shoulder, squeezing me as though he's afraid to let go. I'm scared that if I let go he'll shatter into a million pieces so I hold him tightly. I want to ask what happened that's making him so upset but I don't want to ruin the moment, so I stay quiet, the only noise being Gavin's sniffling.

After a few minutes I pull away slightly. "You wanna go to bed? you seem really tired?" Gavin shakes his head, immediately pulling me back into the hug, still shaking his head slightly as it rests on my shoulder.

"Why not Gavvy, you're tired, you need to sleep, boi." I whisper in his ear. He whimpers, looks me in the eye and whispers "I'm scared, Micoo" and I have never seen anyone look so vulnerable and terrified and wow if my heart doesn't all but shatter then and there.

"I'll be right here boi, and I promise, you make the smallest noise or movement that could mean you're having a bad dream, I'll wake you up straight away." I try to bargain, but he shakes his head again. He grabs the front of my shirt and hides his face in it. "Boi? you wanna sleep in my bed with me? I'll keep you safe, I promise." I feel him hesitate slightly before nodding, "okay, but we need to get changed first." I let go of him reluctantly, grab a towel and start to rub his hair dry, then drying his chest and back. I get changed into a pair of clean boxers, he does the same. I climb into my bed, moving to the edge and letting Gavin slip in besides me. We're lying facing each other and he whispers "I'm sorry, you didn't get to shower" I look into his eyes and he looks so guilty. "It's fine Gavvy, I can shower in the morning, I want to make sure my boi is okay."

He shuffles closer to me slightly and I put my arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer. He puts his arm across my waist and his head on my shoulder "thank you boi" he whispers sleepily, to which I reply in a whisper "You're my boi, Gavvy, now get some sleep." And I realise he falls asleep with a small smile on his face and his arm wrapped tightly around my waist.

 

I wake up and look down at Gavin. His head is resting on my chest and his arm is still wrapped firmly around my waist. I stare at him for a while, he looks so peaceful and content. I kiss the top of his head and feel his arm tighten around my waist, his head cuddles into my chest and he tangles his leg in mine, I freeze for a second before realising he's still asleep and probably doesn't know what he's doing, so I tighten my arm around him and snuggle into him a bit more. He starts to stir so I close my eyes and pretend to be asleep. I feel him move his head and he stays still for a minute then I hear a small "Micoo?" and wow I love the way he says my name! But I don't want to get up, I want to stay and snuggle with my boi, so I pretend I'm asleep and hug him closer.

 

Gavin's POV

I wake up and feel Michael kissing the top of my head, bless him he's so cute. I keep my eyes shut and tighten my grip on Michaels waist, I also snuggle further into his chest and wrap my leg around one of his, I think he thinks I'm asleep, so I snuggle into his chest more and tangle my leg in his. I feel Michaels arm tightening around me and he snuggles into me. I move my head slowly so I can see his face and realise that he looks so peaceful and beautiful when he's sleeping. I stare at his face and it occurs to me that I really enjoy waking up wrapped up in Michael. I stare at him for a while before looking at the clock, 25 minutes until breakfast and Michael still needs to shower.

"Micoo?" I whisper and he moves slightly. "Micoo?" I try again but he just rolls onto his side so we're now facing each other, our legs still tangled and my arm still around his waist, and he hugs me closer. I giggle quietly as he pushes his face into my neck. I run my fingers through his hair and wow it's so soft. "Micoo, we've only got 20 minutes until breakfast boi." I whisper at him and he tries to hide in my chest, causing me to laugh again. "Micoo," I say whilst giggling, removing my hand from his hair, "you still need to have a shower." He opens his eyes, leans back slightly and looks at me. A blush makes its way across his face as he realises our position, "sorry boi, I get cuddly when I sleep."

"It's fine boi." We untangle ourselves and Michael looks at me, "you gonna move so I can shower boi?" he asks me as he's lying next to the wall and I'm in his way. I shake my head grinning and bury my face in his pillow "Comfy" I mumble. He grins. "Fine, I'll move you." He wraps his arms around my waist and rolls over, taking me with him, so I'm on the other side of him. He gets up and goes in the bathroom while I bury my head in his pillow and breath in his scent.

 

Michaels POV

I get out the shower and go back into the room, finding Gavin lying asleep in my bed. I pull on some boxers and walk over to him. "Gavver you need to wake up." He shakes his head so I try again. "Come on asshole get up." He knows I'm joking so he shakes his head again. "Fine." I jump on my bed and sit with a leg on either side of him. I start tickling his side while he wiggles around beneath me laughing so hard tears build in his eyes and he struggles to breath. I realise I'm sat on his crotch so I get off of him and pull him up, "Come on boi, it's Saturday so we don't have to go to obligatory social hour and stuff." Just then there's a knock at the door and It opens revealing Barbara. "Sorry to interrupt guys but Gav, you have your first meeting with your therapist today at 1, don't forget okay?" He nods and she leaves. I turn to look at him and his eyes are wide.

"Whats wrong boi?" He shakes his head. "I don't want to go, there going to make me relive everything and talk about everything and I don't want to I can't please don't make me oh my god I can't breath Micoo." He looks so scared and panicked so I grab him in a hug as tears fall down his face. His breathing isn't getting better and I don't know how to help him. I hear the door open and Geoff comes in, stopping dead in his tracks when he sees Gavin. "Gav what happened?" He asks.

 

Geoff's POV

I walk into Michael and Gavin's room and see Michael hugging a crying heavy breathing Gavin. I notice they're both just wearing boxers and if Gavin wasn't in such a state I would be making jokes right now. I then realise Gavin has bruises, burns, cuts and scars all over his body. "Gav what happened?" His head is resting on Michaels shoulder and he turns it to look at me "I can't Geoff please I don't want to." I see Michaels arms tighten around him and he tries to calm him down. I've never seen Michael act affectionately towards anyone before and I can tell Gavin obviously means a lot to him. He looks so worried and he mouths the word help to me and I realise he has no idea how to comfort Gavin. "What don't you wanna do Gav?" I ask gently and Gavin shakes his head, burying his face in Michaels neck. "You want me to tell him?" Michael whispers, Gavin nods. "Okay my boi," he turns to me "Gav has his first therapy meeting today and he's, well- he doesn't want to relive everything or talk about it." I walk up to Gavin and put my hand on his back, he turns and hugs me, hiding his head in my t-shirt, "You don't have to tell them anything you don't want to, okay? You tell them only what you want to, and if they try and pressure you into telling them anything you don't want to, one, you don't need to, you just sit there and be silent or you tell them you don't want to answer, and two, you tell me, you understand? I'll rip their intestines out and hang them with 'em. okay?" He nods "good, now come on guys, stop sucking each other off and lets go eat, I'll meet you in the canteen." I laugh as my comment made them both blush.


	11. Chapter 11

Gavin's POV

 

The entire day I've been dreading this. It's almost 1 and I'm walking to therapy. Michael came along and told me he would wait outside until its over. I feel better knowing he's right outside. I give Michael a hug, letting go reluctantly and walk into the office. It starts off okay, just the woman, Dr. Tuggey (call me Lindsay) asking me how I'm feeling and if I've settled in and shit. I can answer these questions, I'm fine with it. Then she asks me to tell her what happened, "explain it from the beginning." I shake my head and she tries again "come on Gavin, we need to get you better and I can't do that if you wont tell me what happened." I don't want to but I need to tell her something or she wont leave me alone "My dad hit me." I say quietly. She writes it down and says "okay, so do you think he is the root of this problem? have you tried talking to him about it? maybe I can arrange a meeting in a controlled environment where you can talk." NO, she thinks I mean he hit me once? I shake my head and tell her I can't do that. "Oh it will be fine, ask why he hit you and you'll get answers. He won't be able to touch you." This isn't about me getting answers, it's about her getting a result. She says I can go and I'm shaking as I open the door, tears streaming down my face. I see Michael sitting on the floor leaning against a wall, he sees me and stands up. "What happened boi, what did she do?" He asks pulling me in to a hug. I can only shake my head. "Geoff." I manage, letting out a sob. Geoff is like a father, brother and friend to me, and he's the only one who knows what happened. "Okay boi, I'll take you to him okay?" He wraps his arm around my waist and I lean my head on his shoulder as he takes me to Geoff's room. I'm shaking and sobbing as Michael opens the door, still holding me. Geoff is sitting on the floor next to Ray, and Ryan and Jack are sitting opposite them. They all look up as the door opens.

"What happened Gav?" Geoff stands up, sounding serious and I grab him in a hug, stuffing my face in his chest, gripping his t-shirt so hard my knuckles turn white. "I can't do it Geoff." I whisper. I really wish the others weren't here at the moment. "What does she want you to do, bud?" He asks concerned. "She wants me to talk to him I cant do that please don't make me, I can't see him face to face, he'll kill me." I'm shaking uncontrollably at this point. Geoff sits on his bed and I sit next to him as he hugs me again.

"You don't have to see him, I promise, okay? you don't need to see him ever again okay? I'm not making you and no one else is." I nod. "Promise?" He smiles. "Yeah Gavvo, I promise."

Geoff's POV

I look up and see everyone's eyes on Gavin and I. To be honest I forgot they were there. They all look confused and concerned, Ryan is silently asking what's happening but its not my story to tell. Gavin leans up and whispers "can you tell them? Everything? They should know." I nod and whisper "of course Gavin." He looks over at Michael, still standing by the door, and makes grabby hands at him; Michael smiles, rolls his eyes at the childishness, and sits next to Gavin, who still has silent tears streaming down his face, and Michael pats Gavin's lower thigh. I clear my throat and look at Gavin sadly. "Okay bud, you ready?" He nods and leans his head on Michaels shoulder. "Well it started when Gav was 7. His mum died and his dad blamed him. He would get drunk and abuse Gavin, mentally, physically, emotionally and sexually. He raped him a few times and would burn him with a lighter, beat him and stuff like that." I heard the guys gasp and see Michael grab Gavin's hand, looking really mad. Gavin's head is still on Michaels shoulder and he seems numb to the story, he's just staring at his hand in Michael's, a blank look on his face. I continue. "He fell into depression when he was 10 and started self-harming when he was 12 and has been ever since, he also struggles with anorexia." Michaels hand drops Gavin's and moves to around his waist, his other hand grabbing Gavin's instead, Michael now looks angry and sad. Everyone's eyes widened. "Monday was the anniversary of Gavin's mums death and-" I paused and looked at Gavin to see if I should continue, he nods slightly. "On Monday Gavin attempted suicide, luckily his friend Dan found him and now he's here." I finish. Everyone's eyes are wide and watery and Michael is hugging Gavin tight, his head buried in Gavin's neck and I see a tear fall from his eye, he looks to be a mixture of fuming and basically heart broken. "Can I add," I say to Gavin, "I think I can speak for all of us when I say I am so glad Dan found you, because if he didn't we would never have met you, and I'm fucking glad I did." I say with a small smile and I see Gavin look down sadly with tears in his eyes, he doesn't believe me, he still wants to go. "I mean it." I say looking in to his eyes. He nods.


	12. Chapter 12

(Still Geoff's POV)  
We decide we should probably try to take everyone's mind off of Gavin's story, so we go to the rec room and play new super Mario wii u. I'm sitting next to Ryan on one sofa, Ray and Jack are on the other and Gavin and Michael are sat together on the large bean bag. We've been playing for 10 minutes so far and I keep screwing everyone over and laughing hysterically. Gavin keeps picking people up and throwing them at things that will kill them.

"FOR FUCKS SAKE GAVIN YOU PRICK!!!" Michael screams as Gavin throws him into fire, Gavin is sitting there giggling and he does it again when Michaels character comes back.

"GOD DAMN IT GAVIN IM GOING TO MURDER YOU, YOU LITTLE SHIT!" Gavin is laughing so hard his face is red. Suddenly Gavin makes the Yoshi he's riding swallow Michaels character and spit him off a cliff,

"THATS IT! YOU'RE DEAD YOU LITTLE FUCK!!!" Michael throws his controller to the side and grabs Gavin, tackling him off the bean bag and on to the floor. Gavin is still laughing hysterically as he wrestles with Michael and we're all laughing at them.

 

Michaels POV

 

Gavin has been killing me in Mario for the past few minutes and it's getting annoying but he looks so cute when he giggles so I don't mind. However I can't let him know that I'm okay with it. "FOR FUCKS SAKE GAVIN YOU PRICK!" I scream as Gavin throws me into fire, he giggles and does it again.

"GOD DAMN IT GAVIN IM GOING TO MURDER YOU, YOU LITTLE SHIT!" He's starting to get cocky and he makes Yoshi swallow me and spit me off a cliff. Right that's enough the cocky little fucker!

"THATS IT! YOU'RE DEAD YOU LITTLE FUCK!!!" I yell as I throw the controller and tackle him off the bean bag. The guys are crying they're laughing so hard, Gavin is laughing hysterically and trying to wrestle with me but I'm a lot stronger than he is and easily over power him. After a few minutes I sit on his waist with a leg either side of him and pin his arms down, leaning close to his face, we're both laughing and slightly breathless. "Too slow Gavver." I say as I catch my breath. In a split second Gavin rolls us over so he's the one on top of me, he leans close to me and whispers "you shouldn't get too cocky my boi, or I may just kick your ass." He smiles and the others are laughing even harder. "I'd like to see you try." I say over powering him again and rolling us back over. We're still wrestling when Barb comes over a few minutes later. "Gavin you have a visitor, but if you're in the middle of something I can bring him here?" She offers as me and Gav have paused for a second so she could talk, Gav nods and she leaves. About a minute later someone comes over to us and I hear "Hey B?" FOR FUCKS SAKE PISS OFF DAN URGH! I know he saved my boi but I still don't like him. Gavin is still completely focused on wrestling with me so he offers a small "Hey B, this is everyone, everyone this is Dan." He says as he stares at me determined, making me smirk because he chose me over Dan. One point to me, suck a dick Dan.

 

Geoff's POV

 

Michael and Gavin have been wrestling for at least 10 minutes and we're still literally breathless and crying we're laughing so hard when a guy comes over who I've never seen. He's roughly the same height as Gavin, maybe a bit taller, with short black hair and quite a bit of muscle. "Hey B?" The guy asks, confused by the scene in front of him. I notice he has a British accent too.

"Hey B, this is everyone, everyone this is Dan." He says, eyes focused on Michael and man I can feel the fucking sexual tension, I look at Ryan and he nods and whispers "Mavin", making me laugh harder. I calm down and turn to Dan, figuring Gavin's a bit preoccupied. "Hey man, I'm Geoff, this is Ryan, Jack, Ray." I point to each of them, all still laughing, I then nod at Michael, "and that's Michael, I think you've met before?" He says hello to everyone and then turns to me. "Yeah, I met him yesterday, erm, what's happening?" He asks nodding to Michael and Gavin, Michael is now lying on his back and Gavin is lying across his stomach diagonally so only their tummy and part of their chests are touching. I let out a small laugh. "We were playing super Mario and Gavin kept killing everyone. 15 minutes later they're still wrestling." Dan laughs and looks at Gavin again. "He's never gonna win." I chuckle. "Yeah, Michael is strong and Gavin is stick thin. Hey, could I talk to you for a second?" He nods and follows me a few feet away from the others. "I just wanted to thank you," I start and he looks confused, "for saving Gav. I mean I know he's you best friend and stuff but I'm really glad you found him and helped him before he died because we are all so happy that we met him." I finish and he smiles. "You have no idea how glad I am that he has you guys in here, when I came here yesterday all he would talk about is how great you guys are, how you love video games just as much as he does and how you're all so top. I'm glad he has someone to help him when I'm not there." His smile falters slightly and he adds "listen I don't know how much he told you, I'm guessing a lot since you know about his attempt, but I need to make sure someone knows, he gets really bad nightmares every single night and I just wanted to ask if someone could check up on him?"

"Yeah don't worry about it, Michael is Gavin's room mate so I'm pretty sure he already knows." Dan looks over to Michael and Gavin, who are sitting on the bean bag side by side, Michaels arm around Gavin, Gavin's head on Michaels shoulder, watching Ryan and Jack play halo. "He really likes Micool." Dan says watching them and I notice he also says Michaels name weird, but not as bad as Gavin. "Yeah I know, he really likes him." Dan smiles, "I'm guessing he told you then, as soon as Micool left us alone when I came yesterday Gavin started ranting about how amazing Micool is and how, I quote 'his eyes are so pretty they're like sunshine shining through a bottle of whiskey with swirls of caramel in them' and he basically just said he's in love with him." I smirk, knowing that one piece of information provides me with weeks worth of making Gavin blush and embarrassed. "I'm never gonna let him live that down, I'm using that as a form of embarrassment for him until he tells that to Michael." I say and Dan smiles, agreeing.

"I'm glad he has someone that makes him so happy, y'know? I hate seeing him so sad, it kills me." I nod and we go back to the guys.

 

Michael's POV

 

Dan went back home just before dinner. We ate and are back watching Gavin and Ray play against each other in black ops, only using knifes. First one to 20 points wins. Ray is currently winning 14-8 but Gavin is doing pretty good. We're all still sat in the same place, me and Gav on a bean bag, Geoff and Ryan on one sofa and Jack and Ray are on the other. We're commentating and cheering when ever some one gets a kill. There are a few other kids watching now, most Gavin's age and under. The game ends with Ray winning 20-9. Ray walks over to Gav and say's "You did much better than expected, you almost got to 10." They shake hands "good game X-ray." Gav says smiling.

"X-ray and Vav," Ray says as he hugs Gavin. It's roughly 9pm now so we decide we should go to our rooms. I walk into our room and collapse on my bed face first, Gavin giggles and pokes my back. "Micoo you need to get changed first boi." He giggles, trying to pull me up by my wrist. "Noooooo!" I moan, getting up anyway and stripping down to my boxers, I flop face down again and pull the duvet over me. Gavin giggles again but quickly becomes quiet. "Can I sleep with you again Micoo?" He sounds so shy and scared. As if I could say no to him, he's adorable, also I'm fairly certain that yesterday was the first time since his mum died (according to Geoff who was told by Dan) where he slept and didn't have a nightmare. I turn quickly and grab his arm pulling him down next to me. I wrap the duvet around him and bury my head in his shoulder. "I'm tired Gavvy Wavvy! Stop asking me dumb questions and let me sleep." I mumble into his shoulder, my lips are pressed against his skin and I feel his breath against my hair as he breathes out a small laugh, I kiss his shoulder and smile when Gavin kisses the side of my head. I smile and fall asleep happy, wrapped around my boi.

 

Gavin's POV

 

"Micoo, you need to get changed first boi" I laugh trying to pull him up.

"Noooooo!" He moans but he gets up and strips to his boxers, I do the same. I look back at Michael and see he's lying face down on his bed again, under his duvet. I giggle but then realise I need to sleep with Michael again. I didn't have a nightmare for the first time in forever and I'm 100% sure it's because Michael was there. "Can I sleep with you again Micoo?" He looks at me, grabs my hand and pulls me right next to him, wrapping the duvet and himself around me, burying his face in my shoulder. "I'm tired Gavvy Wavvy, Stop asking dumb questions and let me sleep." He mumbles, making me laugh, he pauses for a second and kisses my shoulder, so I kiss the side of his head, I don't think too much into it, we always do stuff like this at night. After a few minutes I look up to see Michael sleeping with a smile on his face. He looks so adorable. I kiss his forehead and snuggle into him, falling asleep wrapped up in him.


	13. Chapter 13

(Still Gav's POV)  
When I wake up the next morning I'm lying with my head on Michaels chest and my arm across his waist, his arms wrapped around me and our legs tangled together. I turn to the alarm clock and see it's only 6:30am and, as its Sunday, breakfast is at 9. I turn back and snuggle into Michaels neck. I breath in his scent and sigh in content, falling back to sleep.

Michael's POV

I wake up to Gavin's arm around my waist and head snuggled into my neck. I tighten my arm around him and look at the clock. It's 7am, no need to get up yet. I wrap my arms tighter around Gavin and fall asleep again.

Geoff's POV

I quietly knock on Michael and Gavin's door before opening it. I walk in and see Michael and Gavin fast asleep and wrapped up together. I smile and take a quick picture on my phone, they'll thank me on their wedding day, before I walk over to them; I don't want to wake them up but it's nearly 9am and they need to eat breakfast. I shake Gavin's arm slightly. "Gav, you need to get up bud." I whisper at him. He opens his eyes and rolls over to face me, I smile as Michaels arms tighten around Gavin once he's turned around so he's basically spooning Gavin. "So, what's going on?" I ask smirking. Gav blushes and I smile. "Nothing's going on, I got scared and Micoo let me sleep with him."

I chuckle. "Hey man what you guys get up to in private is none of my business, but, I mean, if there's something you wanna tell me then I'm all ears." Gavin glares at me. "But seriously it's nearly 9am and you need to get up for breakfast." Gav nods. "Okay." I start to walk out but turn back when I get to the door, "Oh and Gav?" He looks at me. "You guys are adorable together." Gavin blushes and mumbles a small "thanks." I leave the room and grin to myself. Those fuckers are obviously in love and they won't even admit it.

Michael's POV

I wake up and hear Gavin and Geoff talking. I'm hugging Gav from behind, my face pressed against the back of his neck. I hear Geoff laugh. "Hey man what you guys get up to in private is none of my business, but, I mean, if there's something you wanna tell me then I'm all ears." What does that mean? Wait why is Geoff here? He's seen us snuggled in bed together. I'm never gonna live this down! Geoff continues. "But seriously it's nearly 9am and you need to get up for breakfast." I hear Gav's "okay." There's a pause and I hear Geoff saying "oh and Gav? you guys are adorable together." I hear Gav mumble a small "thanks" and then I hear the door shut. Thanks? Does that mean- could Gav like me back? My heart is doing fucking summersaults in my chest. I press my forehead against the back of his neck and smile. "Micoo." He turns around and shakes my shoulder slightly, "you gotta get up Micoo." I shake my head and bury it in his chest, pulling the duvet over my head. Gav laughs and pulls it back, ruffling my hair. "Come on boi." He says getting up and pulling me up with him. We get dressed and arrive at the canteen 10 minutes past 9. We get food and walk over to the guys. Geoff is sitting in the middle so, for the first time ever, I can't sit next to my boi. Geoff smirks at us as we walk over. "Hey guys, you're a bit late today." He says as we sit down. Gavin blushes slightly, looking down at his food and I glare at Geoff jokingly, muttering "we overslept."

 

Ray's POV (this is new, I've never done Ray's POV before oooooh such fun)

 

Geoff walks into the canteen smirking and I just know he's been fucking with Gavin and Michael, as they're the only 2 not here. He sits down and asks "So what do you think of Gav?" I wasn't expecting that. Every one's response was pretty much the same, saying he's pretty cool and he seems to fit in well with the group and that we pretty much love him already. "Michael seems to like him a lot, I'm glad Vav has pulled him out of that bad time he started going through, and Vav seemed like he could use a best friend." I say and Geoff nods. "I get the feeling there's more to it than friendship," Jack says smiling and Geoff smirks. "Well don't tell them I told you this but they have both told me that they like the other. They obviously won't tell each other though because they're pussy's so I say we help them man up."

"Or," Ryan says grinning, "we don't, but we move them away from each other, not too bad but like, someone sits in between them or we take them to do other things. Then we get to see crazy jealous Michael which will be funny as fuck, also it will make him realise how much he loves Gavin."

"Also," I join in, "we could be close with Gavin, not too much or he'll be weirded out and/or suspicious, and watch as Michael slowly snaps and is pinning Gavin against a wall." We're all laughing when we see Michael and Gavin come in to the canteen. Geoff moves to the middle seat on his side so he will be in between them. "Nice move Geoff." Jack says.

"And so it begins." Ryan says grinning. The guys come over and I see Michael look at where Geoff is sitting and frown slightly. Geoff turns to them, smirking. "Hey guys, you're a bit late today." Michael and Gavin sit down, Michael opposite Ryan and Vav opposite me. Gavin blushed slightly at the statement and looks down at his food as Michael glares at Geoff jokingly "we overslept."

I notice that the whole way through breakfast Michael keeps throwing glances at Vav, Michael hasn't touched his food, and I know he misses him already, even if he is literally one seat away. Man. he's in deeper than I thought... This is gonna be fun.


	14. Chapter 14

(Still Ray's POV)  
The whole morning we've been trying to subtly start our plan. We've just been sitting in between them and watching as Michael slowly gets more and more annoyed that he's away from his 'boi'.

 

Michael's POV

 

Ever since we sat down at breakfast the guys have been trying to separate me and Gavver. They just won't let me sit next to him. By lunch I've had enough, its getting on my nerves. I don't know what their problem is but until they figure it out I just won't sit with them. It's 11:30 right now and lunch is in half an hour but I'm just gonna go back to my room. I'm not hungry anyway. I stand up from my place on the sofa and walk away. I hear Geoff ask me where I'm going but I just keep walking, pretending I don't hear him. I walk to our room and shut the door, deciding to lie on my bed, stare at the ceiling and start to think. They must be doing it to wind me up, because they wouldn't do that to Gavin would they? But they know Gavin is helping me get better and now they're taking him away? Do they not want me to get better? That makes sense. They hate me and wan't me gone. WELL FUCKING FINE!

At 12:15 Barb comes in to tell me to go to lunch.

"I'm not hungry." I say simply, not opening my eyes.

"Michael, you know if you don't eat I'll force you to."

"Good luck trying." I say, still not looking at her.

"Fine." She leaves and comes back a minute later with Joel, another nurse. They grab an arm each and pull me up, not rough enough to hurt me, turning off my music and removing me from my room, shutting the door behind me. They walk me to the canteen and I follow behind them dragging my feet. Barb sits me at a table and sits opposite me while Joel gets me food.

"Why don't you want to eat, Michael?" She asks sadly. "You were doing so well." I just stare at her. I know I was doing well. A few weeks ago I started feeling really sad for no reason and didn't feel like eating, so I stopped. I had to be fed through a tube a few times because I would refuse to open my mouth. I was slowly getting better and then Gav got here and cheered me up completely. I don't say a word as Joel puts a sandwich in front of me and sits next to me. I just stare at it and don't move.

"You know, if you don't eat that we'll have to feed you through the tube again, cause you didn't have breakfast either." Joel says, pushing the sandwich towards me more.

"I know." I say simply. I look over and see the guys watching me and I immediately look at Barb instead. "I want to go." I mumble. I hate being force fed food, especially through a tube, but I'm not hungry.

"Fine, come on Michael. But you know where we're going, don't you." Joel asks. I nod and we leave the canteen.

 

Geoff's POV.

 

It's been 15 minutes since the beginning of lunch and we still haven't seen Michael since he wondered off. I keep looking at the door every few seconds until finally I see him. He's walking in with Barbara and Joel. Barb sits him down and sits opposite him while Joel goes to the kitchen. "Shit guys, I think it's happening again." I say, concerned. Everyone follows my line of vision to where Michael is sat, on the other side of the room. He looks sad and annoyed as he talks to Barb. Joel walks over to them and puts a sandwich in front of him, and I pray silently that he eats it. Michael stares at it but refuses to touch it. "Fuck." I hear Ryan whisper. Joel starts talking to Michael, pushing his food towards him slightly. Michael looks over at us and immediately looks away. He talks to Joel some more and they leave the canteen. "Shit guys this isn't good." I say. Every one nods apart from Gavin, who looks confused. "What isn't, what's happening again?"

I sigh. "He hasn't eaten Gav, that means they have to feed him through a tube. He was going through a time when he refused to eat and they had to feed him through a tube. He started to get better, eating a slice of toast now and again, then you showed up and he was suddenly fine." I finish. "And now he isn't eating again." Ray says.

 

Michael's POV

 

I have to stay in the nurses office type thing for half an hour after them feeding me before I can go back to my room.

"Can I go now?" I ask Barb after enough time had passed. She sighs but nods. "Fine, but if you don't go to dinner I will hunt you down." I chuckle and head back to my room. I get about a metre away from the door when I hear voices coming from inside the room. Fuck that I'm not talking to them. I turn around and walk outside into the gardens. I walk through some tall bushes and follow a secret path that leads to a beautiful fountain that no one knows about. I lie on the edge of the fountain and stare at the sky. The sun is shining but there are a few clouds in the sky. I look at the clouds and admire the fact that there is so many different shades and colours in them and they look like someone has painted clouds into the sky. I'm lying there for a while when I hear voices and people coming. I recognise one specific British voice and I realise who it is. The only person that knows about this is me and my old room mate Chris. The voices walk past the tiny gap in the bottom of the bush and I let out a small breath I didn't realise I was holding. I sit on a bench and stare at the fountain.

I hear the dinner bell ring from inside the building and sigh. I'm just going to stay here and hope no one knows about it. A few minutes later Barb shows up, ruining the silence I was in. "For fuck sake is there no where private in this place?" I sigh,

"I found it on my first day here. You're the only patient that knows about it, but my colleagues do. Now come on you, you need to eat." I know if I fight it she'll just go and get Joel again so I sigh and follow her. She walks me into the canteen and asks a nurse in there to get me food and bring it to me. I sit in a corner and Barb sits opposite me. I realise the guys are watching me again and glare at the table.

"What's wrong Michael?" Barb asks me. A nurse comes over and puts a plate of Jacket potato and beans in front of me. I sigh. "I don't know." I mumble, pushing the plate away from me. She sighs "you can tell me Michael," she pauses, "this wouldn't happen to have something to do with a certain British boy now, would it." She asks grinning slightly. I blush and shake my head, "no." Barb tries to get me to eat again and I refuse. "Okay, fine, come on Michael." She says after a few minutes of trying. I sigh and stand up, following her out of the room. As I leave I feel eyes boring into me so I glare at the ground.


	15. Chapter 15

Geoff's POV

 

After waiting for Michael back in his and Gavin's room and he doesn't show up, we try everywhere else. Literally everywhere. We can't find him so we go and sit in the canteen watching the doors intensely. After 10 minutes Michael walks in with Barb and sits in the corner. They start having a conversation and I notice Michael looks at us slightly before glaring at the table. So this is our fault? A nurse takes a plate of food to him and once again doesn't touch it. He talks to Barb some more, I notice she says something and he blushes. I also see her try to convince him to eat. He flat out refuses and after a few minutes they walk out.

"That's 2 meals in a row. I don't get it, he was eating fine this morning, right?" Jack asks.

"Actually, he ate hardly anything at breakfast" Ryan says, still looking at the door Michael left through. Gavin stays silent and I realise he looks like he could throw up.

 

Gavin's POV

 

I'm worried sick about Michael. I haven't been able to sit with him all day and I really miss him. Now he isn't eating properly and is avoiding us at all costs. Geoff must notice the look on my face and he turns to me. "Hey, you okay?" I nod. "Yeah, I'm fine" I lie easily.   
He gives me a look and I sigh, "I'll talk to Micoo tonight and ask what's wrong."

Turns out I won't, because I walk in to our room and he's lying down, apparently asleep. I sigh. Guess I'll have to try and sleep alone. I go to get in to my bed but I hear a small "Gavvy? Where you going?" And I look over at Michael to see him making grabby hands at me. I smile slightly at how cute he is. "Coming boi." I say as I get into his bed and snuggle, falling asleep straight away.

 

Michael's POV

 

It's Monday today and I didn't eat breakfast, lunch or dinner. At least, not voluntarily. I also didn't talk to anyone apart from Barb and Joel all day. Besides my therapist but she doesn't count.

I'm currently lying in bed listening to music with my headphones on when the door opens. I pretend I don't notice and just stay lying on my back, my arm thrown across my eyes, my music blasting. I feel someone shake my arm and assume it's Gav. I move my arm and open my eyes to see everyone in our room. Geoff is closest to me, hand on my arm, Jack is stood by the door, Gav is sat on his bed, arms wrapped around his legs, head buried in his knees, Ray is sat next to him with an arm round his shoulders and Ryan has his hand on Gavin's knee, trying to comfort him. 'What's wrong with Gavin' is the first and only thought in my mind.

"Michael, can we talk to you?" Geoff asks and he looks mad so I quickly reply. "No." I say as I lie back down. Geoff grabs my arm and yanks me up so I'm standing. "I've had enough of your shit Michael. You will talk to me or so help me god I will force you to." He says angrily, getting in my face.

"Oh really! There's nothing to talk about Geoffrey! Piss off!" I just want them to leave so I can find out what's wrong with my boi! "I think there's plenty to talk about Michael Vincent Jones! You aren't eating again and I want to know why!" He glares, gripping my shirt and getting in my face. We're both red with anger and I can feel my knuckles itching to punch him. "Get. Out." I warn, "before I do something I'll regret." I say and I scared even myself with my voice. Geoff faltered slightly before saying "tell me Michael!" I go to punch his jaw but Ryan and Jack rush to hold me back. I shake them off and storm out the room, walking as quick as I can out of the room and then sprinting to my secret spot. The only place I can be alone. I get there, take a deep breath and look up at the sky. It's about 9:30pm and there are stars shining so bright in the sky that I can't help but feel calmer. I walk into the small woods, climb up the tallest tree, right to the top, and sit on a branch. The hospital looks small from up here. I raise my hand and pretend to crush it with my fingers, smiling slightly. From up here it feels like no one can control me, it makes all the problems and worries from my life seem insignificant, because I can see for miles and I am one small person in this huge world and no one cares about my problems, so why should I? From up here I can crush my problems with my finger tips, and no one is here to stop me. I stare at the sky for a while before I look to the hospital again and see Geoff coming out the back door. Shit. I climb down the tree and back through the little hole in the bushes. Geoff finds me and sighs. "Why do you keep running off? We're trying to help you. Why aren't you eating? Why are you doing this to yourself? To us? Do you not care about yourself?"

"No." I reply, a blank expression on my face.

"What about us Michael? What about those who love you?" I shake my head, "No one loves me, Geoff." I state, well apart from my family but when they come and visit I tell them I'm fine.

"What about Gavin?" My heart stops.

"Gav?" I whisper so quiet you could barely hear it.

"Yeah Michael, Gavin. He's crying his fucking eyes out thanks to you! You scared the shit out of him! Today's Monday, Michael, a week-" I cut Geoff off "since he attempted suicide" I say quietly in realisation, "Where is he?"

"Your room." As soon as the words leave his mouth I sprint back. I get there and Ryan is gone and I see Ray on the bed still hugging Gavin, who has tear stains down his cheeks and his face and eyes are red and puffy, Jack is kneeling in front of him, talking calmly. I feel tears burning my eyes at the sight. "Hey, could I talk to Gav for a sec?" I ask quietly. They look from me to Gavin and back again a few times apprehensively, before Jack nods, and they leave and shut the door behind them. I look at Gavin for a second and feel my heart ache. "Gav..." I whisper and he doesn't even look up at me, "Gavvy, I'm so sorry my boi."

Gav stands up and pauses for a second. "You scared me Micoo." He says quietly and his voice wobbles as he continues, "You were really angry. It was terrifying!" He says bursting out sobbing. I pull him into a hug, my arms immediately wrap around his waist as the tears that were threatening to spill fall down my face. "Gavver I'm so fucking sorry my boi. I didn't mean to scare you, I never want to be the one you're scared of." I say, squeezing him hard, my head on his shoulder. His arms squeeze me hard and head is resting on my neck. "I'm so fucking sorry, my boi, you needed me today and I wasn't there." I kiss his shoulder. I pull back slightly and stare him in the eyes. "I'm so glad you're here Gavvers, you have no fucking idea." He hugs me tightly and I smile. "You're my boi Gavvy!"

"You're my boi Mickey!" He says smiling. We get into bed and I hug him close, not letting anyone get in between me and my boi.


	16. Chapter 16

The next day I wake up and go to breakfast with everyone else. I get food but don't really want to eat, so I sit there and stare at it. I know everyone keeps glancing at me to see if I'm eating but I can't do it. I notice Barb watching and look over to her. She pleads with her eyes but I just shake my head and she starts to walk over. Gavin leans over to me. "Please Micoo." He whispers desperately. "I'm sorry boi." I whisper back before standing up when Barb reaches me. She pulls me away from the others slightly before talking. "Come on Michael, you haven't eaten properly for 2 days!" I just shake my head again. "I can't." She sighs and walks me out the room.

After I've been fed, I go and look for Gavin. I find him lying on his bed facing the wall. I walk towards him and see tear stains on his cheeks. I go lie next to him, looking at him so that his back is pressed against my chest. "What's wrong boi?" I ask gently throwing my arm across his waist. He rolls over so he's facing me and buries his head in my chest.

"You need to eat Micoo, it's scaring me. You get mad when I don't eat." He whispers.

"That's because you're scarily thin Gavver, I'm fine." I try but he just scoffs.

"You're not fine Micoo, you shouted at Geoff and tried to punch him and you probably would have broken his jaw if Ryan and Jack hadn't stopped you. I was scared Micoo, you were so angry." He whispers into my chest and I feel my heart tug at how broken he sounds.

"Gavin, I am so sorry I flipped out like that, but I would never hurt you, I need you to know that. I would never ever hurt you. I swear to you." I promise him and he looks at me.

"Cross your heart?" He asks, the most serious expression I've seen on his face. Dan told me a few days ago that Gav used to do this with his mum, and he didn't do it unless he really wanted you to keep that promise. Without hesitation, I rose my hand to my chest and drew a cross over my heart. "Hope to die." I say seriously and Gav smiles slightly before burying his face in my chest again. We lie next to each other talking for a while, staring at the ceiling. After a while we hear the lunch bell ring. Gavin looks at me and gives me a smile. "C'mon Boi, we gotta eat lunch" He climbs off the bed and holds out his hand for me to take. I sigh but grab his hand and let him pull me up. We walk to the lunch hall and I go straight to the table whilst everyone else gets food. Barb comes over to the table and sits opposite me. "You need to eat Michael."

"I'm not hungry." I reply, knowing whats coming. She sighs, stands up and grabs my arm gently, pulling me up. "Come on." I stand and, instead of taking me to the nurses office like I thought she would, she drags me over to a table in the corner. I sit down and she calls Joel to get me food. "You are going to eat something Michael or so help me god." She says, but it doesn't sound threatening, she just sounds tired. I start to get angry, does she not realise I'm not hungry. "No I'm not!" I whisper yell at her.

She looks at me for a second then back around at the table the guys are now sat at. I realise they're watching me carefully. Barb turns back to me and looks me dead in the eye. "Eat or I will make you change rooms." My eyes snap back to her.  
"That's not fair you can't do that!" I say to her.  
"Sure I can, Matt just got let out, so there's definitely a spare room. It must have something to do with your new roommate." She is still staring at me and isn't backing down. I look over at Gavin and sigh, looking back at Barb. "I can't." I whisper. "Michael-" she starts but I just shake my head and leave the canteen. I walk to the nurse's office, since I know I'm going to end up here anyway, and wait for Barb to show up.


	17. Chapter 17

Gavin's POV

 

I start to walk over to the table with Jack and notice Michael isn't there. We look around and see him sitting with Barb. I sit so I can see Michael and watch him as I slowly eat my lunch. Geoff Ryan and Ray sit down and start eating, watching Michael every once in a while. After a few minutes Barb looks at us and Michael follows her gaze. She says something to him which makes him snap his gaze back to her. He answers her looking really annoyed. His gaze lands straight on me again and he stares at me for a while and I see him sigh, he looks as if he's about to cry. He turns back to Barb, says something and after a few seconds he leaves the room, not having eaten anything. We all sit eating quietly for a minute, me thinking about Michael and how scared he made me yesterday, but how scared I am for him since he's not eating, the guys chatting casually. After about 15 minutes Burnie comes over and tells me I have a visitor. I nod and smile when I hear "B!" come from a few feet away. I jump up from my seat and sprint at Dan, I hear Geoff and Ryan laughing at me. He grabs me in a bear hug and I hug him just as tight. "I'm so sorry I couldn't come yesterday B, I really wanted to be there for you but I couldn't get out of work." I hug him even tighter and feel tears prick at my eyes. "I'm so glad you're here, B. I really need someone to talk to." I whisper in his ear, a tear dripping down my cheek. He pulls back and looks at me concerned before he wipes away the tear and hugs me again. I hug him back again before taking him to mine and Michaels room. As soon as the door shuts I burst into tears. He pulls me into a hug and leads me over to my bed and he sits down. I sit on his lap in a ball and he pulls off his hoodie and slips it on me, pulling me into a bear hug. I feel comforted by the warmth of the way too big hoodie and bury myself into him. "I miss you B." I say quietly, squeezing him tight. "I miss you too B, now what's wrong?" I stay silent and he whispers "don't block me out, B, I'm here for you. Talk to me, what's getting my Gav down?"

"Micoo." I whisper. I feel Dan tense up. "What's he done? I thought you liked him." He says getting angry.  
"He hasn't done anything B." I whisper  
"Well he's done something, Gav."  
"No he hasn't that's the problem!" I yell. "He isn't eating B, and I'm really scared for him." I say the last bit quietly as more tears spill from my eyes. Dan squeezes me tighter and I sob into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry B, I know how much he means to you. But hey, now you know how I feel when you do that, I mean at least Michael has some meat to him. You're basically a skeleton wrapped in skin and that kills me Gav. You need to gain wait, B." I sigh and rest my head on Dans chest, shutting my eyes. After a few minutes I hear the door open, I keep my eyes shut and Dan assumes I'm asleep. I feel Dan tense and hear him tell whoever it is to shush and hear a hushed "what's going on?" It came from Michael, which makes sense since it's his room too, It also explains why Dan tensed. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Dan whisper yells at Michael and I feel his arms tighten around me.

"What? What did I do?" Michael asks innocently.

"You know full well what you did, you selfish prick! Don't you think he's been through enough?" Dan growls at him and I feel bad for Michael because when Dan's mad he's scary.

"Hey, man, I would never do anything to hurt Gavin in any way! You think I enjoy seeing him this way? You think it doesn't kill me to see him in this state? Every time I see him like this it rips me apart!" Michael growls, still staying quiet.

"You better fucking mean that because Gavin likes you a lot. I haven't seen Gav as happy as he is when he's with you or talking about you since his mum was alive, and I swear to god if you hurt my best friend in any way I will end you." I blush slightly and turn my head into Dans chest further to hide my face, pretending to be asleep.

 

Michael's POV

 

I finish in the nurses office and go back to our room. As I get close to the door I hear the voices of Gavin and Dan, so I wait outside for a while.

"well he's done something, Gav."

"No he hasn't that's the problem!" I hear Gavin yell, it's obvious he's been crying. "He isn't eating B, and I'm really scared for him." He says the last bit quietly and I start to feel quite guilty. I caused this.

"I'm sorry B, I know how much he means to you. But hey, now you know how I feel when you do that, I mean at least Michael has some meat to him. You're basically a skeleton wrapped in skin and that kills me Gav. You need to gain wait, B." I hear Dan say and I agree, every time I hug Gavin he feels too small in my arms, he's skin and bone and it scares me, I mean his hip bones stick out and so does his spine. Also wait, did he just say I mean a lot to Gavin?? It goes quiet for a while so I walk in. Dan is sat on Gavin's bed with Gavin curled up in his lap, Gavin has tear stains on his cheeks and it looks like he's been sobbing his heart out. He's wearing Dans hoodie and has his eyes shut, so I assume he's asleep. Dan shushes me and I stay quiet. "What's going on?" I ask Dan in a whisper. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Dan whisper yells and I notice his arms get tighter around Gavin as he pulls my boi closer to him.

"What? What did I do?" I ask innocently, pretending I hadn't heard part of the conversation.

"You know full well what you did, you selfish prick! Don't you think he's been through enough?" Dan growls at me and fuck me he's scary when he's mad, or maybe he's just protecting my boi.

"Hey, man, I would never do anything to hurt Gavin in any way! You think I enjoy seeing him this way? You think it doesn't kill me to see him in this state? Every time I see him like this it rips me apart!" I growl, still staying quiet.

"You better fucking mean that because Gavin likes you a lot. I haven't seen Gav as happy as he is when he's with you or talking about you since his mum was alive, and I swear to god if you hurt my best friend in any way I will end you."

"I won't, I swear." I whisper looking Dan dead in the eye. I see Gav turn his head into Dans chest further and both myself and Dan fall silent. I watch Dan look down at Gav and stroke his hair and Gavin snuggles into his chest more. I feel myself getting jealous, I should be the one he's hugging. I stand there staring at Gavin with a small smile on my face. After about 30 seconds Dan clears his throat quietly and raises an eyebrow at me when I pull my gaze from Gav to Dan. Dan stares at me for a few seconds. "Can I talk to you for a sec?" He says quietly. I nod and sit on the other end of Gavin's bed. I look at Gav resting his head on Dans chest and wow he's so adorable. I smile and look up at Dan again. "What's up?" I ask quietly.

"I just wanted to say, I'm sorry for being a dick to you. I know you wouldn't hurt him on purpose but I'm really protective of Gav." He looks down at Gavin and hugs him tighter. "I see the way you act around him and how you look at him, I know you care about him. It makes me feel better knowing that he has someone here for him that loves him as much as I do." He says quietly, giving me a small smile. I blush slightly. "It's fine, I get it, I feel protective of him too." I say looking down at Gav, "I really do care about him, he's amazing." I smile and blush slightly.

Just then, Gavin starts getting distressed and moving around in Dan's arms. He tries to hug Gav closer but it doesn't help. Gavin's eyes shoot open and he sits up, tears rolling down his face.

"You alright, B?" Dan asks and Gavin shakes his head.

"Micoo." He sobs out, looking around the room desperately, his eyes go from Dan to my empty bed and finally they land on me. He jumps onto my lap pulling me into a hug. He's sitting in between my legs and his head is buried in my chest, like he always does when he needs to hide or calm down. My arms immediately go around him and I start rubbing his back. "It's okay boi, you're okay." I whisper. He sobs into my chest, his ear pressed over where my heart is and I know he's trying to slow his heart beat to match mine. "You're okay, Gavver, I'm here boi." Gavin's sobbing has slowed down slightly but his ear is still pressed against my chest so I stoke his hair until his tears stop. "What happened boi?" I ask. He shakes his head and I whisper "It's okay boi, you don't need to talk about it. You want a drink?" He shakes his head again. "I want a hug" He whispers in a small voice. I let out a quiet chuckle, but squeeze him tighter, pulling him closer into my chest. I look over at Dan and see him watching us with a small smile on his face. I give him a confused look and he replies with a knowing look. I glance down at Gav to see he's fallen asleep again.

"What?" I whisper, looking back to Dan. He just smiles slightly, "Nothing, but Gav never calms down that easily after a nightmare. How did you calm him?" He asks and I look at Gav. "I don't know, the first time he had a nightmare he pressed his head into my chest and said he's hiding. He likes to listen to my heartbeat and he tries to calm down so his heart beat matches mine. Its how he gets his heart rate to a normal speed, it calms him." I ramble on. I look back up to Dan and he's smiling. "He really loves you, Michael, and it's obvious you like him too. I trust you to look after him. Just remember, his heart is fragile and delicate, and if you hurt him in any way, I will kill you." I smile down at Gav, "I wont" I promise Dan.

"You better mean that, because I like you, you're a good guy and you care about Gavin, so if I come back here and he has another breakdown because of you doing anything to hurt him, you will die." I nod and he smiles at me. He gets up and comes over to us, kissing Gavin on the forehead. "See you later B, you're in good hands." He whispers in Gavin's ear, even though he's asleep. He pats me on the shoulder. "See you later Michael, tell him I said goodbye and stuff and that I'll see him soon, yeah?" I nod and pat Dans shoulder in return. When he gets to the door he turns back. "Oh and Michael, I know the whole not eating thing really isn't your fault but you've gotta try to get though it, for yourself as well as Gavin." Then he leaves the room leaving me with a sleeping Gavin and the knowledge that Gavin loves me back. WOW I was not expecting that to happen when I woke up this morning.


	18. Chapter 18

Gavin's POV

I wake up to Geoff shaking me gently. "What?" I mumble sleepily.

"Dinner Gavver." He says quietly. I open my eyes and see him smirking at me. I then realise that I'm sat in between Michael's legs, cuddled up to his chest, his arms wrapped firmly around me. He's asleep and Dan is gone. I hope they sorted everything out; I don't want my B and my boi to be angry with each other.

"Wake Michael up and then come down, you've got about 10 minutes." He whispers before leaving. I look up at Michael and smile. I know Dan was angry at him earlier but when I woke up from a nightmare and hugged Michael they seemed okay.

"Micoo." I whisper and his eyes snap open. "Are you okay?" He asks immediately and I giggle quietly, he's so sweet. "I'm fine Micoo, its dinner time." He sighs and pulls me closer. "But I'm comfy." He complains. I stand up and he whines in protest, getting pulled up anyway.

Michaels POV

We get to the canteen and the guys are already there. I have no intention to eat so I don't even bother going to get food, instead walking straight over to Barbara. She sighs as I sit down opposite her. "Not even gonna bother pretending this time?" I shake my head. She sighs again and gets Joel to bring over some food; It's only some toast but I don't want it.

"Come on Michael, you have to eat." She pleads. My eyes glance around the room and land on Gavin. His head is on Geoff's shoulder, whose arm is around Gavin. Gav is pleading with me with his eyes to eat something. It's then that I remember what Dan said. "I know the whole not eating thing isn't really your fault but you've gotta try to get through it, for yourself as well as Gavin." Well I don't give a shit about me but I can't hurt Gavin again, it will kill me. I sigh and look back to Barbara, then down at the plate. I remember the sight of Gavin sobbing next to Ray and how broken he looked when he was with Dan. I can't do that to him, not again. Sighing, I pick up a slice of toast and slowly force myself to take a bite, grimacing as I force myself to chew and swallow. "Good job Michael." Barb says smiling at me. I look over at Gavin to see him smiling at me and Geoff is smiling slightly.

I only eat half a slice but Barb lets me go, saying it's a start and that she's proud. I give her a hug before walking over to the guys and sitting down next to my boi, who immediately pulls me into a hug. "Well done boi." He whispers to me and the others agree, smiling. Geoff pats me on the shoulder and smiles. "Well done Mikey." Gav keeps his arm around my waist and his head on my shoulder for the rest of dinner and I keep an arm around his shoulders.

Dinners over and me and Gav are going back to our room, our arms still around each other. As soon as we get in our room Gavin pulls me close to him. "I'm so proud of you boi." I want to tell him I love him but I don't think now is the right time. Or is it? It feels like a good time. I sit on my bed and pull him onto my lap, hugging him like I did earlier, except now his head is in the crook of my neck. It feels so perfect. I need to tell him. I run my hand down his arm, stopping when I get to his hand. I grab his hand and squeeze it gently.

"Micoo?" He whispers into my neck, "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah Gavvy, anything."

"Why do you like me? I mean, I'm your room mate so we have to get along but I'm a waste of space, good for nothing, British prick that doesn't deserve you as a friend, or any friends for that matter. So why do you put up with me?" My heart breaks. Does he really believe that? I tighten my arms around him and press my nose into his hair.

"Oh Gavver, you have no idea how much it kills me to hear you say that. You're amazing and perfect and beautiful and you deserve so much more than this. You are one of the most deserving people I know. You have the best personality and I like you because we fit together perfectly. You know what I'm thinking or if there's something wrong, you read me like a book. You are beautiful Gav, inside and out." He scoffs. "I mean it Gavvy, your hair is soft and fluffy and this beautiful golden brown." I run my fingers through his hair and look into his eyes, "and your eyes are the most amazing colour, they're like a beautiful shade of green, and when you look at me it feels like you're looking into my soul and it makes me feel vulnerable but I don't care. I don't mind if you see into my soul and can read my thoughts, because all my thoughts are of you." I pause for a minute and look into his eyes. "I really like you, Gav, from the moment I saw you. I didn't tell you because I didn't think you'd feel the same way and if you never want to talk to me again I understand but I just thought you should know." I stop talking and glance down at Gav. He's blushing and has a grin on his face. "I really like you too Micoo." I smile and hug him closer, kissing his head. And that's how we fall asleep, wrapped around each other smiling like mad.


	19. Chapter 19

Gavin's POV

I wake up to Geoff, like normal, shaking me awake. "Hey buddy, it's Wednesday, that means you have to see your therapist today and since you've been here a week, I think you'll start group therapy." He says apologetically, god he's such a dad to me. "Okay." I whisper, not wanting to wake Michael, which makes me  remember what happened last night and smile.

"What's got you so happy?" Geoff asks knowingly. I shush him and crawl carefully out of bed, giggling when Michael whines in his sleep as I leave the bed and Geoff fake gags. "So what happened that's made you so happy?" He asks, although it's obvious he's already guessed the answer. "I did it Geoff! I told him! Well, he told me and then I told him and ohmygod it was awesome." I go on to explain what happened and Geoff laughs, pulling me into a hug. "My god you two are disgusting, it makes me sick. So are you gonna tell the others?" He asks.

"I don't know, I'll ask Micoo when he wakes up, but I mean, they'll probably guess." Geoff laughs and gives me another hug before leaving the room. I turn to Michael and stroke his hair, which makes him stir. He wakes up and looks at me smiling, before he grabs my waist and pulls me back down. "I'm tired boi." He groans into my shoulder and I laugh getting up and ready whilst he lies in bed complaining. I just finish pulling on my jeans when I feel Michaels arms wrap around my waist. "Hey Gavver?" He whispers in my ear.  
"Yes Micoo?" I answer whispering.  
"I have a question to ask you." He starts and oh god he's so cheesy.

"Really, what's that then?" I answer chuckling slightly. He spins me around in his arms so I'm facing him and he leans closer. "Will you be my boi?" He giggles and I giggle too. "You're a dork." I laugh and he stops laughing slightly. "No seriously though, will you be my boyfriend, Gavvy?" I smile at him and nod. "Yes, Micoo, I will be your boi." I see his gaze go from my eyes to my lips and he sighs deeply before licking his lips slightly and looking in my eyes again. I move my hands from his shoulders to around his neck. Michaels arms wrap around my waist tightly and we're about to kiss when there's a knock on the door. We jump apart and a second later Geoff comes into the room. He looks at the two of us and smirks. "Dude if you're gonna make out at least give us a sign so I don't cock block, like seriously, a note, a tie on your door knob, anything." He laughs at us and my face goes bright red, turning even darker when I hear Michael say "well in that case can you give us a minute?" He's joking but I already miss being so close to him and I really want to kiss him.

"Come on lovebirds it's time to eat then Gav has therapy." He says before leaving. I turn to Michael and giggle before pulling on a t-shirt. I glance at Michael to see him pulling a top over his head, I move my gaze lower to see some of his boxers showing above the waistband of his jeans. I bite my lip and blush as he turns around. "You alright Gavvy?" He teases and I nod and blush harder as I leave the room. 

Michaels POV

We walk to the canteen and get some food. I sit next to Gav and Barbara comes and sits next to me. I stare at the toast on my plate and feel sick.

"Come on Michael, eat something, like you did last night, yeah." Barb tries to convince me. I grimace and shake my head slightly. I feel Gavin grab my hand under the table and I look at him. He smiles slightly and I look back at the food. I slowly pick up a piece of toast and take a bite. Barb smiles at me proudly. "Good job Michael." I feel Gav stroke my hand with his thumb and I squeeze his hand as I reluctantly finish the toast. After breakfast I walk Gavin to therapy. It's his first ever group therapy session and he's really scared so I promise I'll wait outside and I give him a hug before he walks in.

I wait outside for the 45 minutes he's in therapy. Geoff came to wait with me so we just chatted, mainly about Gav. Geoff has taken up a father figure role towards Gav, making sure I wasn't gonna screw him over or hurt him in any way, much like how Dan did, but Geoff was a lot more fatherly whereas Dan was talking as a best friend/brother. Suddenly the door opens and people come streaming out the room. Gavin comes out the room last and has silent tears streaming down his face. He looks between me and Geoff a few times, as if he's debating who to turn to for comfort. He's been to therapy about 4 times since coming here a week ago and each time he's needed Geoff, so I'm surprised when he runs at me and buries his head in my neck. My arms wrap around him tightly and he tightens his arms around my waist.

"Shhhhh, it's okay boi, you're okay." I whisper, rubbing his back and stroking his hair. He lets out a choked sob and I lead him back to our room.

When we reach the room Geoff gives Gav a hug before starting to leave. "I need to go, Michaels gonna take care of you, okay bud?" Gav looks panicked and squeezes Geoff tightly, even though he didn't need him straight away he still needs him. "You'll be okay, buddy. If you need me at all I'll come back." Gavin nods and immediately hugs me again. Geoff leaves, shutting the door behind him. "You're okay Gavvy, it's okay my boi." I kiss his head and he pushes his ear to my chest. After a few minutes his breathing is normal and he's stopped crying.

"You'll be okay, Gavver." I whisper kissing his cheek. He looks up at me and smiles, I smile too and get an idea.

"Hey, I have a surprise for you, but it's top secret and you can't tell anyone." I whisper, to which he nods looking slightly confused, and I grab his hand, pulling him down the halls and into the gardens. I lead him to the bush where the hole is and stop. He looks at me confused. "Micoo this isn't top secret." He laughs. I shake my head and giggle, "no, but follow me." I crawl through the hole and he follows after me. As soon as he's standing his eyes go wide and his jaw drops. "Wow." He whispers breathlessly, looking around at the fountain and flowers and trees. Its funny, that's the reaction I have when I look at Gavin. "I know, me and my old roommate found it, no one else, apart from staff, knows about it. This is where I come when I want to be alone and escape. I figured it could be our spot." I say the last bit blushing and looking down at the floor. Gav lifts my chin so I'm looking at him and kisses my cheek gently. "Who would have thought Micoo 'rage quit' Jones was as mushy as I am." He giggles and I laugh with him, hugging him tightly.


	20. Chapter 20

We walk over to the fountain and I sit on the edge. Gavin sits next to me and looks down for a second, before leaning down, grabbing something off the floor and sitting up. I see a rock in his hand and look at him questioningly. He smiles at me and turns around, using the rock to etch something into the edge of the fountain,next to where he's sitting. After a few minutes he looks back to me smiling with a slight blush. I wrap my arm around his shoulders and look across him. Carved into the edge of the fountain I see MJ + GF with a heart underneath. I grin at him and kiss his cheek. However I accidentally kiss the corner of his mouth instead, causing me to blush intensely because holy shit I almost kissed Gavin and I really want to but I don't know if he wants to or not. He turns his head towards me, blushing slightly, and stares into my eyes for a minute, before he slowly leans towards me. I lean closer to him, closing the gap between our lips. I move my arm from around his shoulders to around his waist, pulling him closer, and his hands travel to my neck, playing with the hair there. We break apart after a few minutes and I grin at him, he grins back and rests his head on my shoulder.

 

We sit on the edge of the fountain for a while, Gav resting his head on my shoulder, my arm wraps around his shoulders, his arm around my waist, our other hands connected.

The bell goes and we both jump. It had been silent, only hearing the quiet sound of the fountain and us breathing. I look down at Gavin and kiss his head. "c'mon boi, we need to have lunch." He nods and I stand up, offering him my hand. He takes it and we walk to the hole. Just before we crawl through I stop and turn to look at Gav. I look into his eyes for a while before I lean in and kiss him, smiling when he kisses back and grabs my shirt in his fists. I pull back and smile before crawling back through. When were both on the other side of the bush I grab his hand again and we walk to the canteen, letting go as we walk through the door and get food. I sit at the table Ray and Geoff are at and see Barbara watching me. I look down at my food but feel sick. I ate breakfast so why do I have to eat again? I look at barb with wide eyes and she sighs, walking over to me "come on Michael, you were doing so well" she says quietly and I feel the guys watching me. I sigh and look down, shaking my head. She sighs "come with me." I stand and start to walk out. I turn when I realise she isn't behind me and see her talking to Gavin and Ray. I wait for her and we start walking. She stops just outside the door "why aren't you eating again? You ate at breakfast" I just sigh, "Exactly, I ate breakfast, and I don't want to eat again."

"its not what you want, its what you need. You need to eat Michael." I sigh and nod "fine." I walk back in and see Geoff and Ray talking to Gavin and Gav is blushing. I sit down "what's going on?" I ask casually, forcing myself to take a bite of my sandwich (barb smiles and leaves) and Gavin turns an even darker shade of red.

"nothing" Gavin says but is interrupted by Geoff

"We were just asking little Gavino here a few questions" Geoff says and Gav looks down going impossibly darker.

"Apparently," Ray starts and Gav tells him to shut up, kicking him under the table, he winces but doesn't stop "apparently" he repeated, "you're a good kisser, Micoo." Ray says mocking Gav's accent and laughing at Gavin's reaction and I blush and smile slightly at Gavin. Gavin is shooting daggers at Ray and Geoff looks proud of himself.

"so hows Gav, Michael?" Ray asks, still trying to make Gav a darker shade of red it seems, I blush harder and Gav glares at him again. I decide I like it when I'm the one to make Gavin blush, so I turn to Gavin and look into his eyes, silently asking if it's okay, he nods slightly and I kiss him on the lips. He kisses back automatically, my hand on the back of his neck and his on my chest. It lasts about 6 seconds before I pull back smiling "he's great." I say looking into Gavin's perfect green eyes. I notice Ray fake gagging but laughing, Geoff has a small smile on his face. Gavin is bright red.

"You guys are adorable" I hear Jack say from behind us as he and Ryan sit down.

"yeah but I don't need to see that when I'm about to eat guys " Ryan adds.

"Mavin is real!" Ray says loudly and then immediately says "sorry, but jack owes me $10."

That's how we spend lunch, them teasing me and Gav, us laughing it off, talking about random stuff, basically behaving the way a bunch of 'normal' teenagers behave. We go to the rec room and play xbox for a while. Me and Gavin decide to play outlast but soon turn it off after it scares the shit out of us, so we all play Minecraft instead. Soon enough I have to go to therapy so I say bye to everyone, peck Gavin's cheek and leave the rec room.

Therapy is uneventful and useless as I refuse to say much, like every time. I'm asked the same questions, I give the same answer, except this time when Dr. Tuggey 'call me Lindsay' asked me how I was I replied with "I'm great" instead of 'I feel like shit'.

After the hour and a half long session, I go back to my room and find Gav sitting on his bed with his laptop open. I go and sit next to him "hey boi, Dan came when you were in therapy and we shot a slow mo video, I'm editing it now. Also I edited the one we did a few days ago, it looks so cool!" I smile and put my arm around him "that sounds cool, can I watch it? What did you film today?"

 

Gavin's POV

Michael goes to therapy and I go to our room and sit on my bed, I decide I should edit the video I filmed with Michael and as I'm half way through Dan arrives. "Hey B! I brought some stuff so we can make another slow mo video!" He says holding up a bag of what looks like loads of box's of matches and a jug or something. I laugh and stand up, hugging him tightly "hey B! I have to tell you something!" I say excitedly. He laughs and hugs me again "what's up B?"

"Micoo said he really likes me and then I said I really like him but I'm pretty sure what I feel for him is more than just like, yanno? Anyway now were going out and its amazing B!!!" I ramble on excited. He grins "I'm so happy for you B! But if he hurts you ever I will personally murder him, okay? Oh and speaking of Michael," he cuts of reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small bottle of something, "I though you might need this" he says laughing, chucking me the bottle. I look down and see that its lube, immediately blushing, "B! Oh my god what's wrong with you!" I say blushing harder as he laughs

"I thought it would be funny to see your reaction." He says through laughs.

I sigh, throwing the bottle into the nearest draw, "you're a dick. come on, lets film!" He says. We film a match head bomb and then he has to leave. I say bye and go back to editing, finishing the video me and Michael did and starting mine and Dan's. Michael comes back into the room and sits next to me, I snuggle into his side "hey boi, Dan came when you were in therapy and we shot a slow mo video, I'm editing it now. Also I edited the one we did a few days ago, it looks so cool!" He smiles and put his arm around me "that sounds cool, can I watch it? What did you film today?"I love how he's so interested. I nod and open the video we made together. I watch him watch it and notice his eyes focused on me in the video and not the balloon popping "you're supposed to watch the balloon Micoo, you see me all the time." I laugh "sorry boi, cant help it" he smiles and kisses my cheek. He watched the video again and his eyes widen when the balloon pops "that looks amazing Gav!" He says "Thanks Mickey!" I smile, kissing him on the lips. Before dinner I also show him the video me and Dan made as I had finished editing it. Michael says he thinks it looks incredible and that he could watch it for hours. I laugh and say we don't have time because dinner is soon. He laughs and hugs me, kissing my cheek.


	21. Chapter 21

Michael's POV

I walk with Gavin into the canteen and we both get food, its pizza night and I get 2 slices. We walk over to the table where Ryan is sitting with Jack. We sit down and Gavin holds my hand under the table. I take a bite of my pizza and Barb smiles at me whilst Gav squeezes my hand and leans over to me "I'm so proud of you Micoo!" He whispers happily and I feel a warmth spread throughout my body, starting at my chest, and my hand tingles where Gav touches me. I lean in to him and whisper in his ear "thank you, my boi." We eat dinner and go to the rec room. Me, Gav, Ryan and Jack start playing a game called cloudberry kingdom. We try something new for this game though, and hook up some stuff, I don't know, Ryan is the tech guy, which records the screen. Gav said he could edit it and we should upload it to youtube. We have a great time playing it and making dumb comments and by the end of it our cheeks hurt from smiling so much. By the time we stop its 11pm and we realise we should probably go to sleep, especially as Ryan and Jack have roommates that they don't want to wake up. Me and Gav say bye to the guys and walk into our room, taking off our clothes and crawling into bed in our boxers. I lie on my back and Gav snuggles up to my chest, making me smile down at him and kiss the top of his head. We lay in silence for a while, just hugging each other, when I hear Gavin whisper, "Hey, Micoo?" He sounds so scared that I wonder if he just woke up from a nightmare, "what's up boi?"

"Can I tell you something?" I smile at his nervousness slightly but panic, should I be nervous too? Why is he so scared. "Of course boi, anything." I tell him honestly, sitting up slightly and pulling him closer into my chest.

"I hate myself Micoo, I wanted to die I hate myself so much," he pauses and tears form in my eyes and I feel my heart break, I look down at him and see a river of tears fall silently down his face, I hug him tighter and let him continue. "I still hate myself Micoo, but I don't want to die anymore, and I think it's because of you. I wanted to die, I almost did, then I met you, and I became obsessed with how adorable and amazing and perfect you are. I fell in love with you, and I love you so much I sort of forgot that I hate myself." He says the whole thing with his head on my chest above my heart, staring at the wall. I have tears streaming down my face now, as does he, but mine are a mix of happy and sad. Gavin just told me he loves me and I am so happy I can not explain it, like there are no words, but he also told me he still hates himself and I don't know how because he's the most perfect person I've ever laid eyes on. I put my index finger under his chin and pull his face up to look at me. I look into his beautiful green eyes and see fear and nervousness. I kiss his nose and smile gently. "Gavin, you are the most perfect person I have ever laid eyes on and you have no idea how happy I am that your attempt failed because I am so fucking happy I met you. You are honestly amazing Gav, and I have no idea what is happening in your mind that makes you hate this beautiful amazing person I'm looking at but I do know that I will help you get through these thoughts. I love you Gavin David Free, and I hope you never forget that." I'm still looking into his eyes and he has tears streaming down his cheeks, but I see love and happiness in his eyes, as well as sadness. I wipe away his tears and slowly pull his face up to me and kiss his lips gently. He kisses back for a minute before I pull back and we lie there together. After about 10 minutes he talks again. "What's it like Micoo?" He asks quietly. "What's what like Gavvy?" I ask confused. "What's it like to be happy?" He asks sadly.

"I'll show you one day, my boi, I promise." I whisper and then he adds "will you help me? I feel like you're the only one who can help. The darkness is suffocating me, but when I'm near you I can see a light in the distance and sometimes its only small and dim but sometimes, like when you said you love me, it gets bigger and takes over more darkness. I don't like the dark anymore Micoo." He says quietly and he sounds so scared. I kiss him on the top of the head. "I promise you, I will always be your light, I will drag you out of the dark, you don't have to suffocate anymore, I love you Gavin." I pull the black ring I always wear off my finger and put it on his, "its a promise ring, it's my promise to you, and whenever you feel the darkness start to suffocate you, you look at the ring and remember that I'm not going anywhere and that I love you, more than life itself, because you're my boi, Gavvy, and one day I will show you how much you mean to me." He smiles at me "I love you too Micoo." He lays his head on my chest again and falls asleep, my ring around his finger.


	22. Chapter 22

Gavin's POV

 

I wake up and see Geoff, yet again, next to my bed. "Literally every single bloody time I wake up you are there. Every time." I say quietly and he laughs slightly. "That's because you and your dumbass boyfriend never wake up on time." He answers and I laugh guiltily "fair point, cant argue with the truth." He laughs again, says "get up" and smiles before turning to leave the room. I look down at my hand and smile. The ring is wrapped around my middle finger on my left hand. I turn to Michael and kiss his cheek, "wake up boi." I whisper. His eyes don't open but he reaches out and grabs my hand in his, he then wraps his other arm tightly around me and smiles. I giggle and kiss his cheek again.

"God I love your giggle," he says looking down at me. I giggle again and he kisses my head. "Come on boi, we need to get up." I say gently as I stand and reach for his hand. He grabs it and I pull him up. As soon as he's standing he wraps his arms around my waist and kisses my cheek. "You're really amazing." He says blushing slightly and I blush. "I love you Micoo"

"I love you too Gavvy."

We get ready and go to breakfast and spend the entire day playing video games, when we're not in therapy. It gets to around 11:30pm when we're told to go to bed, so we say goodbye to everyone and go to our room. I jump in the shower quickly and watch as the water runs over my cuts and scars. I can feel my fingers itching to cut at my stomach and I look around. Of course there's no sharp objects anywhere in the room so I start to pick and scratch at the fresher cuts, reopening the wounds. I winch at the pain but it makes me feel so much better. I hear a knock at the door and Michael shouting. "You alright Gav? You've been in there a while." He asks and I sigh, turning off the water and wrapping a towel around my waist. I know he knows what I was doing, because normally I only spend 5 minutes in the shower, and I've been in here for 20. I open the door slowly and wait for his response. He hates it when I do this, I know he does. He looks at me and sighs, pulling me into a hug, not caring that I'm soaking wet. "Damn it Gavin, you need to stop doing this. I know its hard and you feel like you can't stop, but you need to." He sighs, kissing my forehead, before he turns around so I can pull on some underwear. "You can turn around now." I mutter once I have boxers on. He turns around, grabs a towel and walks over to me and starts to dry my hair, which is still dripping water down my back and chest. Once my hair is basically dry he dries the drips off my body and pulls me to the bed. We snuggle down together and he grabs my hand. He runs his finger over the ring and smiles, I smile at him and kiss his cheek. He drags my hand from his waist to his chest and puts it above his heart. "You feel that?" He asks and I notice his heart beat is racing a hundred miles an hour. I smile, confused slightly, and nod. "That's what you do to me Gavvy, every time I see you or hear your voice. It either races so fast or stops all together." He says blushing and I smile and kiss him before I bury my head in his neck. "I love you Micoo"

"I love you too Gavvy." And we fall asleep.


	23. Chapter 23

Michaels POV

I wake up first today. I look down at Gavin and smile. I'm so lucky that he is mine. I kiss his head and squeeze him tighter before my bladder decides it is full. I slowly unwrap myself from Gavin's arms and move him so he's lying down on the pillow instead of on my chest. I watch as his face changes from one of peace to one of distress and he reaches around trying to grab me and ends up hugging the pillow I had previously been using. I smile and go to the bathroom. When I walk back into the room I see Geoff walking through the door. He notices me and says "oh you're up. Wow that makes a change. I normally have to wake your ass up." He smiles and walks out the room.

 

As were eating breakfast barb comes over with a smile etched onto her lips. "Hey Michael, you have a few vi-" she's interrupted by my nephew Connor shouting "UNCLE MICKEY!" And running up and jumping on my lap. I laugh and hug him back. "Hey Connor! How you been?" My family comes and visits me at least once every fortnight, so they know all my friends, apart from Gavin, sometimes it's my whole family, sometimes just my mum, but she never fails to turn up. I know she feels guilty because my mum is the reason I'm in here, but I don't blame her for it, she wanted to help me and I was getting a lot worse. I have BPD and I kept having intense mood swings that normally resulted in me breaking things or hurting myself, and I stopped eating. Literally just stopped. When I came here I hadn't eaten in at least a week and a half. I also had bad paranoia and would go through phases where I wouldn't do anything, just stay in my room not even going downstairs, only leaving to go to the bathroom. Connor looks at Gavin and frowns confused before smiling slightly. "Hi, I'm Connor, are you new?" The way he says it reminds me of school and it makes me laugh. "He is, yeah." I answer for Gav and he snaps out of a daze he's in and says "my names Gavin." Connor looks at him confused before turning to me.

"He sounds funny." I laugh and shake my head. "He's British." After a few minutes Gavin goes to therapy and I go to see the rest of my family. The second we get there Connor says "Michael has a British friend now." And I figure now is as good a time as any to tell them he's my boyfriend. I came out to my family when I was around 13, and they were so loving and supportive, all apart from my dad, he freaked out and said he wouldn't accept a queer son. My mum broke up with him and he left the next day. "Well I wouldn't say friend, we kind of go out." I say looking down, going red, and immediately my brothers start teasing me, as older brothers do, and my mum pulls me into a hug saying "awww my boys grown up. What's he like?" She asks. "He's amazing mum." I reply blushing. We sit down and I answer her many, many questions.

Geoff's POV

 

I wait for Gavin outside of his therapists room and as soon as he comes out of therapy I pull him into a hug and let him sob into my chest. "Come on bud, lets go find Michael." I feel him nod so I wrap my arm around his shoulder and lead him to where I hope Michael is. The entire time we walk he has his head tilted down and has silent tears streaming down his face. I find Michael sitting with his mum and walk over. "Hey, sorry to interrupt but, Michael," when I say his name he turns around. The second he looks at Gavin he stands and jogs over, pulling him into a hug. "What's wrong boi?" He asks. I notice the room goes silent, since its only Michaels family here, and everyone watches the two. Gavin cries into his shoulder silently, still hiding his face and whispers "I can't do it again Micoo, they keep making me repeat what happened and I can't do it anymore."

 

Michael's POV

 

I hear Geoff say my name and turn around. One look at Gavin and my heart breaks. His head is tilted down so his hair covers his face but I can see tears dripping down his cheeks. I rush over and grab him in a hug and he hides his face in my neck and grabs the side of my shirt in his fists. "What's wrong boi?" The room goes silent and I can feel every ones eyes on me and Gav. Gavin cries into my shoulder, still clutching me and whispers "I can't do it again Micoo, they keep making me repeat what happened and I can't do it anymore." He whimpers and I squeeze him harder, feeling him wrap his arms around my waist tightly. "It's okay Gavvy, you don't have to if you don't want to, okay?" I say and he nods. I pull back slightly and wipe away his tears, kissing his forehead. I hear my mum aww and I pull a face at Gavin making him smile slightly before saying "way to kill the mood mum." I sigh and turn around, my arm around Gavin's shoulders and his around my waist, gripping my top so hard his knuckles are white. "Gav this is the family, family this is Gavin." My family say hello and introduce themselves whilst Gavin clings on to me. I can tell he's nervous, the scars, cuts, bruises and burns on his arm are visible as he's wearing a short sleeve t-shirt and I notice my mum looking at them. I catch her eye and shake my head at her subtly and she stops. I try walking back to the couch but Gavin doesn't move. I turn to him, standing so my family can't see him and whisper "what's wrong boi?" He shakes his head and I give him a pleading look. "What if they don't like me? Your mum keeps looking at my cuts. I don't want them to ask questions Micoo. They think I'm not good enough for you." He whispers barely audible and I kiss his cheek. "They won't ask questions boi, I promise, you're perfect and they'll love you, who couldn't." His face goes pale and I know he's thinking about his dad. I kiss his cheek again. "Don't think about it, my boi." I whisper and lead him to the couch I was on. I sit down and pull him next to me, sitting so close our legs are touching. My mum starts asking him questions like "what part of England are you from?" And "How old are you?" And Gavin answers them nervously whilst I hold his hand encouragingly. I notice my mum glances at my ring on Gavin's finger and she looks at me and smirks while I shrug and smirk back. Then my mum asks more questions and I have to step in.

"So Gavin, do your parents visit? Or are they still in England?" I feel Gavin freeze and his grip on my hand tightens.

"Erm, well... Erm" he stutters and I see tears form in his eyes. I wrap my arm around his waist and he looks at me, fear clear in his eyes. I pull him closer and he hides his face in my neck. I look at my mum and shake my head mouthing the word 'don't' and I see a look of concern cross her face. My brothers and nephews fall silent and I hear Gavin whisper "you promised Micoo" and my heart shatters. "I know, my boi, I'm sorry." I say before looking into his eyes for permission. He nods and hides in my neck again and I turn back to my family. I sigh before saying "Gavin doesn't have a family. Well that's a lie, he has a dad but his dad's a drunk asshole that abused him, in every aspect of the word. His mum died when he was 7, but his friend Dan visits him." I say and my mum and brothers are speechless, their mouths hanging open. My mums eyes snap to Gav and she says "oh hun."  
"I'm sorry-" he starts and my mum interrupts him, "sweetie you have nothing to apologise for." She pulls him in a hug and he flinches, I smile at him encouragingly and he hugs her back. I realise it's been almost 10 years since he's had a motherly hug and I can see on his face he's reminded of his mum. He starts to cry silently and my mum turns him to me. I grab him in a hug and he whispers "it's been so long since I hugged my mum. I forgot what her hugs feel like." I feel a tear leave my eye and I whisper "I know, my boi." A mothers hug represents everything Gavin had lost, love, protection, comfort, safety, care, and so many other things. I can give some of those, but a mothers love is irreplaceable. 

We stay and talk to my family for around an hour, my brother gets pizza so we eat with them, before we decide we should probably go to bed. We say goodbye to everyone and as I'm hugging my mum she whispers "he's a keeper Michael, you best treat him right. He's a good kid and I'm glad he has you." She then hugs Gavin and we walk to our room. As soon as we're in our room he hugs me. "Thank you Micoo." He whispers into my shoulder and I smile. "What for?" I ask confused, "I didn't do anything." He shakes his head. "You did everything Micoo, you stopped in the middle of talking to your family, who are incredible by the way, who you only see once a fortnight, to look after my pathetic ass, you help me everyday and you don't even know it. I don't want to die anymore, I haven't thought about cutting at all today all because of you. You're amazing, and I love you so much." He says and I pull him closer. "That was all you, Gav. You stopped, you overcame those thoughts, and yeah, maybe I helped a bit, but I will not let you pass the credit on to me. You were the one who carried, and continue to carry yourself through this, you get out of bed in the morning, you eat, you drink, you go to therapy, you might not want to but you do, and you should be proud of that, because I am so fucking proud of you. I might have been there for support but you were the one who did it. And I happen to love your ass." I say and he blushes before kissing me.

We get into bed and I hug him close. "I love you, Micoo." He whispers and I kiss his head. "I love you too boi." We lie there for a second before he says "I felt my mum hug me, you know, when I was attempting suicide. As I was about to swallow the pills I felt her hug me and it felt so real and so warm and I realised that I would be able to see my mum again. I miss her so much and I would do anything to see her again. I'm starting to forget what she sounded like or how her hugs felt and I promised myself I wouldn't forget but it's been so long. I don't want to forget her, Micoo." He whispers and I squeeze him tighter. "I know my boi, it sucks doesn't it, how after a while you forget. But you still have all of those lovely memories with her and you will always love her. She would be so proud of you."


	24. Final chapter

Gavin's POV

 

We're sitting on the beanbags and sofas playing Xbox when barb comes over. "Hey Gav you have a visitor." I smile when I see Dan "Hey B!" I yell from my place next to Michael. "Hey," he says smiling and then he moves to the side and I see a young boy behind him. I recognise him immediately and slowly stand up "oh my god" I whisper, tears falling from my eyes as I walk over to him. I drop to my knees in front of him and put my hands on his shoulders, "Johnny? oh my god I thought I'd never see you again!" I say in disbelief. Johnny is my little brother. He was born a week before my mum died. She got ill during labour and died a week later. When my mum died he was put into foster care because my dad didn't want to be burdened with two children. His foster parents said I could see him but my dad never let me. I managed to sneak out a few times but I haven't seen him since he was 5, my dad found out I'd seen him and would hurt me whenever I tried to sneak out. I pull Johnny into a hug as tears fall down my face. "I missed you Gavvy" he whispers and I squeeze him tighter "I missed you too, I'm so sorry I left you kiddo, I love you so much."

"I love you too" he whispers.

"I figured you would want to see him again, so I flew him out." I hear Dan say and I stand up, grab Dan in a hug and kiss his cheek, "oh my god thank you so much Dan! I thought I'd never see him again!" I remember everyone is still here so I turn around, "Guys this is my little brother." I say before leading Johnny over to the beanbag I was sat on with Michael and sitting down, pulling him onto my lap.  
"How come you never mentioned you had a brother?" Geoff asks and I squeeze Johnny tighter, "He was born a week before mum died, she got sick when she was in labour. Dad didn't want the burden of 2 kids, so Johnny went into foster care. Dad wouldn't let me see him, but I would sneak out and visit him. Dad found out and would beat me. I haven't seen him in 4 years." I feel Michael rub my back and I notice there are tears running down my face. Johnny looks at me and wipes my tears away.

"Anyway, guys this is Johnny, Johnny these are my friends Geoff, Ryan, Jack, Ray, and my boyfriend Micoo." I say to break the weird sadness in the air. Everyone says hi and we all play video games again. Johnny is still on my lap and I give him my controller, so he's playing the rest of the guys while I lean my head on his shoulder, watching them play. After a few minutes I leave the guys and take Johnny to a different part of the rec room where there is bookshelves and stuff. We sit down and talk, about anything and everything. He tells me he has been watching my YouTube videos and his friends think it's so cool that I'm his big brother, I tell him he's the reason I kept doing them and keep repeating how sorry I am for leaving him. He says it's okay and I hug him tightly. He says he likes my friends and that Michael seems nice and I smile. I go over to the corner and grab two of the guitars there are. I sit next to Johnny again and hand the smaller guitar to him. "You remember when I taught you that song?" I ask him and he nods "I remember bits of it." I smile "that's enough, I'll start and you can join in with the bits you remember." This was a regular thing we did when I would visit him. I taught him how to play simple notes and I would play a song whilst he joined in with a simple backing tune. I begin to play and start to sing along,

"My ship went down in a sea of sound

When I woke up alone, I had everything

A handful of moments, I wished I could change

And a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade

In a city of fools, I was careful and cool

But they tore me apart like a hurricane

A handful of moments, I wished I could change

But I was carried away" Johnny starts playing along and I smile as I sing.

"Give me therapy, I'm a walking travesty

But I'm smiling at everything

Therapy, you were never a friend to me

And you can keep all your misery" I notice people around the room have started watching so I focus my attention on the guitar in my hands.

 

"My lungs gave out as I faced the crowd

I think that keeping this up could be dangerous

I'm flesh and bone, I'm a rolling stone

And the experts say I'm delirious

Give me therapy, I'm a walking travesty

But I'm smiling at everything

Therapy, you were never a friend to me

You can take back your misery" I look up and notice Michael is watching me and he has the most amazed look on his face.

 

Michaels POV

Around 30 minutes after Gavin and his brother walk away we hear the sound of a guitar and singing fill the room. Dan smiles "I knew it wouldn't be too long." We look at him confused and he explains "Gav taught Johnny how to play guitar when he was younger and they would play together. I knew they both missed it." Wow I didn't know Gav could play guitar. We walk round the corner and see a bunch of people watching Gav and Johnny, who are sat on a sofa, Gavin playing and singing and, wow he has an incredible voice holy shit, and Johnny joining in occasionally. Gavin's gaze is directed at his guitar but I know that's only because there are people watching. He doesn't need to look at it, because his eyes aren't focused.

"Give me therapy, I'm a walking travesty

But I'm smiling at everything

Therapy, you were never a friend to me

You can take back your misery" Gavin looks up and looks directly at me and I smile at him.

"Arrogant boy

Love yourself so no one has to

They're better off without you

(they're better off without you)" Gavin sings the echoing parts

"Arrogant boy

'Cause a scene like you're supposed to

They'll fall asleep without you

You're lucky if your memory remains

Give me therapy, I'm a walking travesty

But I'm smiling at everything

Therapy, you were never a friend to me

You can take back your misery

Therapy, I'm a walking travesty

But I'm smiling at everything

Therapy, you were never a friend to me

And you can choke on your misery" they finish the song and we clap. I see the tears in Gavin's eyes and I walk over to him "you alright boi?" I ask putting my arm round his shoulders. He looks from the guitar to his brother to Dan and the guys then his gaze lands on me and he smiles "yeah, I'm going to be okay" he says running a finger over the ring I gave him.

That night as were lying in bed Gavin turns to me "I think I can do it boi. I think I can beat this. I think I can win." He grins and I squeeze him tighter, kiss him gently and smile "I think you can do it too, my boi."


	25. Epilogue

The second I wake up a smile spreads across my face. I look across the room to see my roommate Jeremy fast asleep and decide to hell with being a nice friend. I immediately jump out of my bed and dive on him, causing him to wake up with a jolt. "The fuck Gavin?!" He exclaims annoyed but I just grin. "Lil J it's Friday! Today's the day Jeremy!" I shout and he rolls his eyes and smiles at me. "You did it Gav! I'm proud of ya dude!" He says, sitting up and pulling me into a brief hug. It's been exactly six months since I first arrived here, and today is my release day. I'm going to miss Jeremy and Barbara, who is a full-on nurse here now, and Matt and Trevor, but I miss Ray and Ryan and Jack and Geoff and even though they've visited almost every day since they were released it will be so much nicer having more than a couple hours with them. Most of all I miss Michael. They guys all live together in a house not far from here and that's where I'm moving the second I get released, with Dan in an apartment down the road. Barbara walks into the room just as Jeremy and I pull on our clothes and smiles at me. "Gav today's the day! You're finally going to be Gavin Free!" She says making a pun of my last name and I roll my eyes. "Thanks Barb!"

 

"You're gonna visit, right?" She asks and I nod. "Obviously! Can't leave lil J alone with Matt and Treyco can I?" I chuckle as we all walk to breakfast. Jack and Ray left a month after I got here, Geoff and Ryan left pretty much at the same time 1 month after them. Geoff leaving was the one that hit me hardest until Michael left 2 months after them. I immediately loved my new roommate though and Matt and Trevor were Geoff and Ryan's roommates after the other two left so I knew them anyway. After breakfast when everyone either goes to therapy or to hang out in the rec room I go back to my room and start packing up. We all have to wear the hospital joggers or shorts which are just plain grey and really fucking soft but we can wear whichever top or hoodie we want. I shove all my clothes into a duffel bag before saying goodbye to Matt, Trevor, Jeremy and Barbara and walking to the front desk where the lads were waiting for me. The second they see me they all grin and Michael grabs me in a hug. "I'm so proud of you boi." He says and I wrap my arms around his waist. Geoff walks over and grabs my bag whist Burnie walks out from behind the front desk. "I'm gonna miss you kid, but I'm proud of you." Burnie pats me on the shoulder and I smile before walking out with the rest of the guys, finally leaving a place I've been in for half a year and feeling a shit ton better than I did when I came here.

It feels weird to be out in the real world and I feel weird and nervous. Even though I'm no longer suicidal and I don't self harm anymore, I still have dark scars covering my body and I get depressing thoughts sometimes. When we get back to the house Michael helps me take my stuff up to our room, as we're sharing, and I sit on the edge of the bed. "You okay, Gav?" Michael asks, sitting next to me, and I nod, looking at him. "I did it Micool. I won." I say and he grins, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. "You did, my boi. And I am so proud of you." He says and I grin, leaning in to kiss him softly. Michael pulls me into a hug after a few minutes and I sigh with relief. I actually tried to kill myself, and I survived.

///

"So, todays the day huh?" Geoff asks from where he's sat at the breakfast bar, cup of coffee in his hands and a smile on his face. It's been 4 years since Gavin got out of the mental hospital. We all still live together, only in a bigger house than our first one. We all have a YouTube channel together, which Gavin convinced us to create and it's doing pretty well.

I look over at Geoff and bite my lip. "I'm nervous man." I say and he grins. "Michael, if I had a single doubt in my mind that he would say no I would tell you." He says and I nod. "Now go. You'll be fine. Good luck." He says and I roll my eyes. As I walk to mine and Gavin's shared room I feel a bubble of nerves in the pit of my stomach. I've thought about this moment ever since Gavin said he'd be my boyfriend and I've imagined the many ways I could ask this question and the millions of gestures I could give. In the end I decided that since Gavin is cheesy as fuck and romantic as hell I'd ask him in a similar way to how I asked him to be my boyfriend. I enter our room and see Gavin standing with his back to me wearing only a pair of shorts and it's almost comical how similar the situation is. I walk over to him and wrap my arms around his waist. "Hey boi?" I lean up slightly to whisper in his ear. He's grown a lot in the past few years and he now easily has a couple inches on me. "Yeah Micool?" He asks and I will never ever get tired of hearing him say my name. "I have a question to ask you." I say as I turn him round in my arms so he's facing me. "What's that then?" He asks, still completely oblivious but I can see in his eyes that he knows this is a familiar situation. I kiss his lips softly as I simultaneously move my right hand to grab his left and my left hand to my pocket and pull out the ring. It's a simple black metal band but it has a diamond in it and engraved on the inside of the band is 'my boi'. I pull away from the kiss before falling onto one knee and smiling nervously up at Gavin as I see realisation cross his beautiful face. I hold the ring up so he can see it and smile. "Gav will you marry me?" I ask and he looks at me with his beautiful green eyes wide and shining with love. It takes him a while to be able to move and after a few seconds he nods. "Yes Micool." He grins and I pull him into a hug before kissing him passionately. Gavin pulls back and grins at me before looking down at the ring that is still in my hand. "It's beautiful boi." He says before noticing the engraving. "You're a dork. But you're amazing." He grins and I chuckle as I slide the ring on his finger. "You're my boi forever now Gav." I grin and he wraps his arms around my neck and grins back at me. "And you're mine."


End file.
